family.
Humiliated, she allowed Gil to lead her to his truck where she could speak her mind away from the curious onlookers. Gil lowered the tailgate and removed his jacket for her to sit on.
“What is going on with you and my sister?” She practically spat the word as she swiped the moisture building in her eyes, unwilling to give him the satisfaction of her tears.
Gil picked her up and set her on the tailgate as though she were a child. He stood before her like a guard, blocking her escape. “I’m sorry you had to find out that way. I wish I’d had the courage to tell you before now. I tried, but . . .” The desperation in his voice begged her to listen, his features apologetic in the shadowy night.
“I tried to tell you on the airplane, but something prevented me from spilling my guts. Mostly fear.”
Mattie’s heart wrenched. “It’s true then, you and Jenna . . .” She couldn’t force the words from her throat.
“Yes, no matter how much I want to erase the memory, it’s true. Your sister and I . . . one time . . . many years ago. I’ve been sorry ever since.”
His words cut into her heart, and Mattie fought to keep the damage to a minimum. She had a doctorate in veterinary medicine. She healed animals daily. Why couldn’t she stop her own pain?
“It’s a secret I’ve kept hidden too long,” he went on. “One that made me run as far from here as possible. If I’d had the option to move across the ocean, I’m sure I’d have done it.”
“I don’t understand.” Her lips quivered. “Why?” Why had he kept the secret from her all this time, and more importantly, why had he been with Jenna in the first place?
“Why do any of us do stupid things when we’re young?” He placed his hands on her knees, and his fingers trembled against her skirt. “I’ve gone over it in my mind a thousand times. Jealousy, contempt, greed, envy. Childish motives we carry with us into adulthood. All part of the problems I’ve had with my dad.”
Mattie worked to process his words. Jenna, envy, his father? “I still don’t understand.”
“You haven’t heard the worst, Mattie. That’s really why I couldn’t bring myself to tell you. Because when you do, you may never forgive me.”
FORTY-FIVE
GIL PLAYED OVER THE SCENE OF FRANK’S DEATH AND THE INCIDENTS leading up to Gil’s betrayal. How could he admit such detestable sins to the woman he loved? But with what she now knew, how could he not? He prayed God would grant Mattie an understanding heart able to forgive.
“I want you to know you’ve changed my life.” He clasped her shoulders, fully expecting her to shrug his hands off. She didn’t, and he found encouragement in this. “When I returned to Diamond Falls, I wanted to put an end to the pain that haunted me so I could go on with my life. I thought that meant trying to restore a relationship with Dad — visiting him, repairing the ranch. I hoped that would be enough. But it’s not.
“My past still troubles me — it comes to me in my dreams. I want it to go away. I’ve prayed for peace. It’s like a scab that grows bigger when you pick it, and I’ve been picking it for twenty years now.” Gil twisted one of Mattie’s ringlets around his finger, needing the slightest comfort.
Mattie caught his hand in hers and stilled it. “I don’t understand. Is this about Jenna?”
“Yes, and no.” He allowed the lock to slip from his finger. “It’s mostly about Frank.” He turned from her and leaned against the tailgate, unable to look her in the eyes. Instead, he stared at the distant treetops outlined in black against the faint moonlight and forced himself to continue.
“I’ve told you how Frank was good at everything — the apple of my dad’s eye. What I didn’t mention was how jealous and tormented this made me. We both liked to rope — he roped better. We both rode horses — Frank had better instincts. We both liked girls, but girls liked him more, and his favorite girl was Jenna.
“I worked hard to outrope, outride, and outwin the girls. I failed on all counts, until one night when Frank and his friends wanted to go to the rodeo grounds and drink some beer. I sensed Jenna’s frustration at hanging out with the guys and suggested she stay with