worried about you, you know.”
“I haven’t seen you in months.”
“I know that. It doesn’t mean I can’t worry about you.” His face, jaundiced in the light, was serious. “You will give me that right, won’t you—even if you were Tucker’s lady?” He paused. “Let’s find a place to talk, Kelly. I think we both have a lot to say to each other.”
“There’s nothing to say—”
“Kelly,” he interrupted calmly, “I’ve heard all the rumors. Shall we go discuss them?”
“Wait—”
He took my hand and led me down the steps. “Come on.”
We wound up at the pens near the burned barn. Brandon asked about it, remarking on how spooky the charred rafters and uprights appeared in the moonlight. Illumination from the Lodge leaked out to reach the barn, but it was weak and diluted by distance. The stench of destruction still hung about it.
“Last night,” I told him. “It was a mess.”
“I can imagine. ” He hooked one foot on the bottom rail and rested his forearms along the top one. The inhabitant eyed him distrustfully from the far end, then went back to lipping at the hay in the feeder.
I felt as wary suddenly. “Well?”
He didn’t look at me. “I’ve heard a lot of things about you in the past six months.”
“How many did you believe?”
He smiled. “I’m not exactly sure. But you look well enough to me, if a little strained. And too thin. ” He turned against the rails and looked straight at me. “What happened to you? Afterward. You dropped out of sight.”
I hedged. “What were they saying, Brandon?”
He shook his head slightly, mouth drawing into a taut line. “I didn’t believe any of it-everything from a nervous breakdown to attempted suicide.”
My hands closed over the cool metal rail. “Nothing about manslaughter, then?”
He swung around. “Manslaughter! What are you talking about?”
“I was driving.” Three simple words. And so hard to say. “Damn it, it was an accident!”
“It doesn’t make it any easier!” I glared at him and tried to fight back the tears. “It was still me.”
“He was drunk when he left the party. Everyone knew that. If he’d gotten behind the wheel God knows what might have—” He stopped dead, realizing what he was about to say.
I nodded. “Exactly. Tucker driving might have gotten us both killed. Well? I drove—and I merely got one of us killed instead of both!”
“Kelly…” He let his breath out harshly. “Damn it, what can I say? It happened. It wasn’t your fault. That bastard coming the other way is at fault. What the hell else could you have done?”
“He’s dead, Brandon. That’s all I know.”
“I know. I know.” He put out both hands, caught my shoulders and pulled me to him. He was warm and big and safe. Just by holding me he eased some of the grief, and yet he also compounded it. “Kelly… he was special to me, too.”
I turned my face against his chest. “I know it. And I hate living with it. What else can I do but blame myself?”
“You can stop.” His chin rested on the top of my head. “I don’t blame you. No one else does, either. It was one of those horrible accidents no one can understand. Oh God, I’m so sorry…” He hugged me protectively.
“Brandon—”
“I might have stopped you. I might have kept you from leaving the party. I might have made sure Tucker didn’t go anywhere. ”
I pulled away from him. “You can’t blame yourself for that!”
His eyes were sad. “No more than you can blame yourself when someone else caused the accident. Lay it all on his head, not on yours.”
“But they never caught him. ”
“No. Probably never will. But it doesn’t change the fact he was responsible, not you.”
“Or you.”
He sighed. “No. But I still think about it. I still remember how unlike him it was to get that drunk… and I remember trying to talk you into letting him sleep it off at the house.”
I pulled away from him. “I wasn’t drunk. There was no reason to think I couldn’t get us home safely.” I shook my head and felt the familiar sickened feeling curling deep in my belly. “But I wish I’d listened to you.”
His hand was gentle on my arm. “Look, that’s all in the past. I can’t tell you not to think about it, but I think you need to look ahead now. Go back to modeling.”
I grimaced. “That’s not so easy anymore. There’s not much of my career left.”
“All right,” he said. “Yes, I saw