him anymore. He’s gone. Sierra got all the sympathy when he died, but I lost him, too. I loved him. I grieve for him. Hallee will never know her father. She won’t have a single memory of him. The boys will. Sierra does. But I’m not allowed to have my feelings or express my grief or even share my memories with anyone.”
“Whose fault is that?” The snap in her mother’s tone conveyed her anger all too well.
“It’s my fault. And David’s.” She wasn’t the only one who did the wrong thing. “We did this.” She combed her fingers through her hair and pushed the wild waves back. It made her momentarily think of the way David would do the same thing a second before he kissed her with a passion and desperation she’d never felt with anyone.
She didn’t know why he went behind Sierra’s back. She didn’t care. She had just wanted him. If she could give him what Sierra couldn’t, it somehow made her feel like she was the better woman for him.
But he’d never chosen her over Sierra. Not in a permanent way.
When she asked him when they’d finally be together, he changed the subject, distracted her with sex, or simply said he needed more time to figure out a way to tell Sierra that didn’t mean he’d lose his boys.
But that was never going to happen.
Revealing their relationship meant the destruction of others.
And now that’s exactly what happened.
Sierra hated her. Her mother was disappointed and angry with her. When Amy found out, she’d take Sierra’s side. Mason had looked at her with such contempt she still felt the impact of it even now.
Heather folded her arms around her middle, wishing her mother understood. “I never meant to hurt Sierra. I didn’t want to break up her marriage. I only saw that David was unhappy.” She reconsidered. “He was restless. I felt the same way. None of my dates ever gave me the spark I felt when I was with David. He was kind and funny and paid attention to me. We kept it friendly at first, but I wanted more. And then all of a sudden, teasing turned to serious flirting and the line blurred until I couldn’t see it and I found myself in David’s arms. I thought I’d get everything I wanted.”
“You thought you’d get what your sisters had. A loving husband. Children. A home.”
As shameful and deluded as it was, Heather had allowed herself to think that sometimes. “I wanted all those things.”
“Well, you got them. Of course, the husband belonged to someone else. The child didn’t have a full-time father. And the home didn’t include you all happily living together.”
“Right. I got what I deserved. Believe me, I know. The guilt eats at me every day. But Hallee doesn’t deserve to pay for my mistakes.”
“She suffered from day one. It was always going to end this way. You had to know that. Or were you okay giving up your family for a man who’d cheat on his wife?”
She hated that her mom put it that way, but reality slapped her in the face.
Dede didn’t wait for an answer Heather didn’t really have. “Do you think David would have felt that way? That he didn’t care what Sierra, his boys, the rest of the family thought about what you two had done?”
“Obviously he cared. He didn’t leave her. He tried so hard to hide what we’d done.”
Dede’s head tilted to the side. “Did you two stop seeing each other before he died?”
Damn. She hadn’t meant to let that slip.
“When I told him I was pregnant . . .”
Dede nodded, filling in the blanks. “Reality hit. He couldn’t hide what you’d done anymore. He knew it would eventually come out. He stopped sleeping with you.”
Raw pain pinched her heart. “Yes. He said he couldn’t do it anymore. He promised to support us, but all the love and affection disappeared. When he looked at me, it was like he regretted every second of our time together.” And it broke her heart even now to remember it.
“Guilt is a heavy burden. He wronged Sierra, his boys, even you. And you willingly participated with him. You could put Sierra out of your mind, but he couldn’t. Not when he had to go home and face her and his children and their life.” Dede frowned. “Didn’t you see the toll your affair was taking on him?”
“Yes. Of course I did. I told him everything would be okay. That he