“Why not? You have it in your head that you’re the only one who can handle four kids. You’re the only one who can volunteer in the classroom or organize the bake sale or 5k charity run. You’re the only one who can do everything at school and home and for our kids. I’m really not sure what you need me for anymore.” Rex stormed past her and slammed the bathroom door. A few seconds later, he turned on the shower.
They were home alone for the first time in months with at least an hour before the kids returned and instead of falling naked into bed, they were fighting.
Amy couldn’t remember the last time they made love.
She kind of remembered it had been a pity fuck because she’d been tired but felt like she owed him because it had been so long.
And that was a terrible thought and way to show her husband she loved him.
Now, Rex couldn’t be bothered to even notice her standing in front of him naked underneath only a towel. It was like he didn’t even see her that way anymore.
He thought she didn’t need him.
Well, she needed him to see what she was going through.
It wasn’t that no one else could do all the things she did; it was that she didn’t know what she’d do if she wasn’t doing those things.
She thought she’d be so happy being a mother.
And she was, except she didn’t want to be just a mother because . . . what would she be when her kids didn’t need her anymore? They were already getting so big and independent.
She micromanaged their lives, frustrating them because they wanted to do things their way and make their own decisions. Over the last year, she’d seen them trying to rebel against her rigid control. She didn’t want her kids to resent her the way her husband did.
With her mind swirling with thoughts and feelings too overwhelming to deal with all at once, Amy dressed quickly, swept her hair into an easy ponytail, and did something she never thought she’d do—she left. She didn’t let the guilt get to her that she hadn’t said good-bye, leaving Rex to deal with the kids when they returned from breakfast. She didn’t let herself second-guess her decision or turn around to do the responsible thing instead of the selfish thing.
It wasn’t selfish to take care of herself.
She needed a day. A little time to think without the kids asking her for a million little things or feeling Rex’s silence and the distance he kept building between them with his resentments.
She didn’t smooth the comforter before leaving their room. She didn’t even peek into the kids’ bathroom to see what kind of mess four kids left after brushing their teeth. She walked right past Emma’s and P.J.’s rooms without even a glimpse to see if their beds were made, toys tidied. Nope. She didn’t bother to clean up the living room. She sent her sister a halfhearted silent thank-you for cleaning the kitchen, though the hasty job had left a few crumbs on the counter and the floor needed to be swept. She ignored everything, grabbed her purse and car keys, and left the house, her mind set on what she wanted to do today. And none of it involved cleaning up the mess in her life.
* * *
Heather had everything set up—last minute with little notice—thanks to a phone call from Sierra, when Amy walked in the spa steaming as much as the sauna. She tossed her purse on the counter, folded her arms on top of it, and blurted out, “My husband is an asshole.”
“So glad I don’t have one of those.” The lie came easily, but it sent a wave of regret through Heather’s system.
Amy tilted her head the way Sierra did sometimes, making Heather wonder if she had the same mannerism. “Are you really?”
It took her aback for a second. She’d longed to make a life with Hallee’s father, but she’d known from the start she probably would never get what she really wanted, even if she deluded herself into thinking somehow, some way it would work out like magic. But magic wasn’t real. “Um, I thought we were talking about you.”
“Right. Today is about me. I want the works.” She waved her hands in the air to encompass everything she was asking for but had no clue what that included.