to think maybe she could. But she had seen more of life than Sarah and John. They were thirty years younger than she was and lived an insulated life. Olivia had experienced more in her life and seen more of the world.
“Well, why don’t you try me then?” She wanted to help him, and he clearly wanted to speak to someone. But she wasn’t prepared for what he had to say.
“Grandma, I’m gay.” Olivia stopped for a minute, looked at him, and nodded. She was surprised, but she didn’t want him to think she disapproved. She didn’t, although she realized that it was certainly going to complicate his life to some degree. It already was if he felt he couldn’t tell his parents. And she wasn’t sure why he felt they couldn’t handle it. He didn’t seem to have much faith in them.
“Are you sure?” she asked calmly. “What makes you think so?” He smiled at her innocence, as though he had said he had measles, and she wanted to know what the symptoms were to make sure he was right.
“I’m attracted to other boys, not to girls.”
“Well, that certainly clears it up, doesn’t it?” she said with a sheepish grin, realizing that she must have sounded foolish to him. “How long have you known?”
“About four years, since I was thirteen.” He sounded absolutely certain. “I used to wonder about it. And I wasn’t really sure, until this year. There’s a boy in my school that I really like. And I’ve never been attracted to a girl. I just want to be friends with them.” He was simplifying it for her, and she didn’t ask him how far it had gone with the boy he liked in his school. She thought it would have been indelicate of her.
“Have you told anyone else?” she asked him quietly.
“No. Only you.”
“And why do you think your parents couldn’t handle it? Your mom is a college professor. She deals with kids all the time.”
“That’s not the same. They have very old-fashioned ideas. They ask me about girlfriends all the time. My mom just thinks I’m young and I like sports more than girls.” It reminded her of how blind we can be to things happening close to us, even in our own homes. Sarah and John apparently had no idea who their son really was. They loved him, but they expected him to be just like them. She suspected that it was a fatal error many parents made—they failed to see who their children were. She had her own regrets about Cass, and given their strained relationship, it seemed ironic to Olivia that her grandson had chosen to talk to her and had so much faith in her. He had more faith in her than she did in herself.
“What can I do to help you? Do you want me to talk to them?”
“No. I just wanted someone to know who I really am.” It was a reasonable thing to want, and it touched her that he had chosen to risk exposing himself to her. “Are you shocked?”
“No, I’m not,” she said honestly as she sat back in her chair. “I’m a little bit sad for you, because I think that’s a hard road sometimes. Not everyone will accept you. And maybe you won’t have kids. That would be sad too. Or you could adopt them, or use a surrogate to have a baby, or a friend. Nothing about it is insurmountable, just maybe a little bit more complicated.” All of that was racing through her mind, but right now his problems were much simpler. He had parents who had no idea who he was or how he felt. He was a lonely boy. “I think you should tell them and give them a chance,” she said fairly, and Alex shook his head.
“I think they’d go nuts. Especially my dad. Mom would get over it—like you said, she has gay students. I don’t think Dad could accept it. Maybe he wouldn’t even talk to me anymore, or kick me out.” There was fear in his eyes. He had heard horror stories before, about other gay boys and their parents’ reactions, especially their fathers. He had remembered them all, and it influenced him now.
“You’re forgetting one important thing,” his grandmother reminded him. “They love you. That changes everything. You’re their only child.”
“That makes it even worse,” Alex said with a look of despair. “If they had another son, a straight one, it wouldn’t be so bad.