love to her…
“Stop it.”
She was putting the car in reverse when her phone went off again and she almost let the thing go. The idea that it could possibly, maybe, okay-probably-not-but-still, be Syn was the only reason she went bag diving, and when she pulled out her cell, she cursed.
McCordle.
Well, she needed to talk to him anyway.
Accepting the call, she continued backing out of her parking spot. “Hey, I was going to c—”
“I need you to meet me ASAP.”
“Listen,” she said as she put the car in drive, “I’m not working at the CCJ anymore. Anything that has to do with—”
“Where are you?”
“I’m leaving the paper. Which is my point. You need to get in touch with Bill. He’s back at work now—”
“Meet me at Market and Tenth. There’s an alley one block in on the left.”
“I told you. I’m not with the CCJ anymore. You need to take all this to Bill—”
“This is about you, not the articles you’ve been writing. Come now.”
* * *
“I’m not going out into the field tonight.”
As Syn spoke the words, he did not look up from his position on the floor of his bedroom suite’s closet. He did not sit up. He did not get up. He did not lift his eyes.
It wasn’t because he wanted trouble with Tohrment, who was the organizer of the shifts, the pairer of fighters, the buck-stops-here for everything war related. No, he didn’t look up because he did not want trouble.
“I know,” Tohr said. “You texted that you’re taking yourself off rotation to everybody. I guess what I’m interested in is why and what your plans are if you don’t go out to fight.”
Syn closed his lids against the glare of the overhead light—which the Brother had turned on as soon as he’d walked in, uninvited.
“I don’t have any plans,” Syn said.
“You sure about that?”
“Yup.” He repositioned the wadded-up shirt he was using as a pillow. “No plans at all.”
“You’re just going to keep lying here after sundown?”
“I may go to the weight room. Might go downtown for a burger. You never know where the mood will take a person.”
“Syn.”
When the Brother didn’t say anything further, Syn became aware that he was going to have play pupil tag or this looming thing Tohr was rocking, coupled with these awkward, unanswered inquiries, was going to continue till the end of time.
“What,” he said as he glanced in Tohr’s direction.
“What’s going on with you?”
“I’m developing the skills necessary to be a throw rug. This requires a great degree of horizontal work and concentration.”
“Listen, I know about Jo Early—”
“Yes, you do. She is a half-breed I was trying to protect, and she’s related to Butch and Manny, and she’s on the verge of her transition. No, I’m not going to be the male she uses. Her brothers are aware of this, and that’s all there is to know about absolutely everything.”
“When are you coming back on roster?”
Syn looked away to the vacant hanging rods that made a circle of the walk-in. “I don’t know.”
“So you’re out permanently?” Before Syn could back off the Brother, Tohr spoke up. “And no, I’m not going to back off. I’m responsible for partnering up all of the fighters, including the Band of Bastards. I have to know your intentions so I can plan.”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t…” Tohr lowered himself down onto his haunches, those navy-blue peepers sharp as blades. “You realized what is at stake, right? You’ve been knee-deep in the cesspool of this war for centuries, just like the rest of us. And you’re quitting at the end? What the hell is wrong with you?”
Syn debated whether or not he could let the insult slide, given that, considering his reputation, what was wrong with him was kind of self-explanatory. But then he thought about Jo.
Meeting her had changed a lot for him. Had changed… pretty much everything. And he had the strangest sense that if he spoke of this, if he said it out loud, it would be real. It would be forever.
Sitting up slowly, he prayed he could get the words out.
“I don’t want to kill anything anymore,” he said in a voice that cracked. “Ever.”
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
Jo went where Officer McCordle told her to go, even though when she got to Market and Tenth and found the alley, she wasn’t sure which side of it she was supposed to turn in to. She went left on a whim, and when she saw the squad car, she pulled up grille-to-grille with it. Getting