“I guess.”
“And how is your relationship with your family?”
“Fine,” I said tersely, debating whether to warn her that she was straying close to my list.
“Are you married?”
“Divorced. A long time ago.”
“Children?”
“One.”
“Does she live with you?”
“Are you kidding? Didn’t you hear the part about assassins coming to my apartment? It’s been broken into eight times since I moved into it last year. Twice when I was there. I have four deadbolts, and I sleep with Chopper and Fezzik on the bed next to me.”
“Are those… dogs?”
“No, my sword and my gun.”
“Ah.” She started writing notes again. “So your daughter lives with your ex-husband?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you see her often?”
“No.”
“So more distance.”
“Yeah, yeah. Look, let me sum this up for you. My job is dangerous, it makes my life dangerous, and so I don’t form relationships because anyone close to me could become a target for someone on a revenge mission. That’s not hypothetical. That’s happened to me—to a friend. Yes, it’s lonely sometimes, and yes, I get that people are supposed to be social creatures, but the only way I could get out of the loop I’m in would be to quit my job and move to the other side of the world. I’ve tried quitting before, but as soon as someone gets killed and I see that the mundane authorities aren’t able to do enough, I have to go back to it. I can’t stand by and do nothing when I know I could help.” I flopped back against the backrest, more frustrated than relaxed by this chat. “I don’t want to talk about my job.”
“What do you want to talk about?”
“Can’t you give me some breathing exercises to do when I feel tense?”
“There are about twenty thousand meditation and breathing apps in the app stores,” Mary said.
“That’s your advice? Go download apps?”
“Actually, I don’t give advice. I’m just here to listen to you and help you figure out solutions on your own.”
“And that’s what pays for the leather couches and marble floors?”
“Those came with the building. I just rent the office.”
“Wonderful.” I checked the door to make sure there weren’t any threats about to barge in and closed my eyes. A headache was burgeoning.
“If you like, you can try the 4-7-8 breathing technique. Whenever you feel agitated, inhale through your nose for four seconds, hold your breath for seven seconds, then exhale slowly for eight seconds. This helps switch your body from a flight-or-fight state to a relaxed state by activating the parasympathetic nervous system.”
I opened an eye. That sounded vaguely useful.
“Are there other people like you?” Mary asked. “In your, ah, industry?”
“There are some mixed-blood humans who gather intelligence in the office I work for, and some of the police have experience with the magical, but I’ve been the go-to assassin in the Pacific Northwest for the last ten years. There are others in other parts of the country and around the world.”
“Are there conferences?”
“Oh sure, and I get the industry magazine.”
“I’ll take that for a no.”
“Nothing for assassins specializing in the magical. I don’t do hits on humans or hang out with people who do. I’m not a bad guy, damn it.” Maybe it was hypocritical of me to find killing acceptable as long as I didn’t prey on my own kind, but it was what it was.
“The reason I ask is because, since you don’t believe normal humans can protect themselves against your enemies—”
“They can’t.”
“—then perhaps you could forge friendships with other mixed-blood colleagues, people who could take care of themselves.”
I couldn’t keep from making a face. “The guys I know are cocky assholes who are in it for the money.”
“And the magical themselves? Those who haven’t broken laws? Would they not have the power to protect themselves?”
“Some of them do. Some are here hiding on Earth because they don’t have much power. But I don’t talk to them unless I’m questioning someone and trying to get a lead. They’re not in love with me. They have lots of unflattering nicknames for me. They always seem to know what I do.”
“All of them? I ask because it doesn’t sound like you’re willing to give up your job, but there is tension in how it affects your life, and this need you feel to distance yourself from everyone may be affecting you on a personal level.” Mary was going to write distance on my chart in all caps, I could tell. “You might have more luck finding a support group or a relationship, if that is something you seek,