she doesn’t believe me. Whatever. I have no reason to try to convince this woman anyway. I’ll likely never see her again. At most, at my next annual appointment.
Thankfully, she moves on too. “Blood pressure is normal. Anything in particular you need to discuss with the doctor today?”
I shake my head. “Just my normal appointment.”
“Okay, great. She’ll be in shortly, then. Okay?”
I nod. Okay, Cheryl.
Laughter rings through the walls of the next room, and my head whips that direction so fast, I almost knock myself right off the top of the table. As it is, the paper makes a horrendously loud noise.
What is it, Comedy Hour in there?
I shake my head and pull my paper gown a little tighter. Still, a cool breeze blows across the bare skin of my vagina and makes me tense up.
He can’t hear me in here, can he? I mean, I can hear them laughing, but they’re being extra loud. There’s no way he can hear normal-volume conversation, right?
For the sake of my sanity, I agree with myself. He can’t hear me, and he definitely can’t see me. It’s just like any other awful trip to the gyno. I’ll just get my pap smeared, my boobs squeezed, and get the hell out of here. We probably won’t even leave at the same time, and by the time I see Jake Brent next, I’ll have had the chance to get some composure back.
A knock at the door startles me once again, but somehow, I find my voice. “Come in.”
The door pushes open, and the doctor steps in with a smile on her face. She’s shaking her head, and somehow, I just know Jake is the one responsible.
“Sorry,” she says with a laugh, her blond ponytail swinging. “We’re just cracking up out there. Cheryl says Jake’s your boyfriend.”
I grimace.
“Actually—”
“He’s a riot.”
I smile so fakely, it’s a miracle my face doesn’t shatter. “Oh yeah.”
Dr. Davenport doesn’t notice. “Anyway, let’s get this over with, shall we?”
I nod. Now that sounds like a splendid idea.
“Okay, just lie back for me. Scoot all the way down to the edge,” she instructs, turning to get her instruments ready.
I do as I’m asked, shimmying my way down the table, and my paper gown crinkles the whole way.
My instinct is to cross my legs, but I know better than that. This is the time to butterfly. Wide and open to the air, I’m to spread my vageen for all to see.
I can only hope, with the way this appointment’s gone so far, that Jake Brent doesn’t open the door and step inside right at this moment.
I shake my head and close my eyes. Why am I making this such a big deal? It’s not, obviously. It’s a coincidence. And Jake’s been friendly and fun. Clearly, everyone else is loving their time with him.
Maybe I just need to lighten up? Think of him without jumping to conclusions or getting all nervous.
I mean, it was great to see him smile so much. He’s got an undeniably great smile. It goes all the way to his blue-green eyes and lights up the room. And the ad was right—it makes the most perfect of wrinkled laugh lines at the sides of his eyes. Clearly, he’s like this all the time. Cutting up and having fun. He’s spent many, many years finding the mirth in life.
“Just relax,” Dr. Davenport instructs, putting gentle pressure on the insides of my knees as they’ve closed right up again. “You’re going to feel the pressure of my fingers, first outside and then in.”
I pull my lips into my mouth and stare at the ceiling. Nothing like the feeling of a stranger’s fingers as they root around inside you. Seriously, nothing like it.
“Good. Now, I’m going to use the speculum. Just take a couple deep breaths for me, okay?”
I nod. Oh goodie. The most fun part of all.
“Relax,” she instructs again as I feel my muscles go full-on boa constrictor. I take a deep breath in and then slowly blow it out as she slides the plastic dinosaur inside and slowly cranks open the jaws.
“Okay, you may feel a tiny pinch—”
I wince as she swabs the cotton over the inside of my body and pulls it out.
“All done,” she announces finally, pulling the plastic back out. “Great. Everything is looking great.”
Always good news when someone has just taken a super thorough look at your vagina. Come to think of it, maybe that was the problem with Raleigh. I don’t think he ever told me