Humvee’s front end, my brain trying desperately to catch up. When the engine blows up though, I finally start to struggle.
Danvers isn’t moving. Tillson sluggishly unbuckles his seat belt. When he turns around though, there is clearly something wrong.
A big piece of metal in lodged right between his eyes.
I can’t help but panic.
“Fuck!” I scream. “Tillson… Tillson, don't move…”
Heart pounding, I struggle with my seatbelt.
“Grayson?”
I blink a few times. Somewhere between one blink and the next, the scene shifts. It goes from bright and loud to dark and quiet. The stars shine brightly down on me as I lay in my hammock, the treetops above swaying.
I’m soaked. Absolutely drenched in my own sweat.
Fuck, I dreamt about them again.
“Grayson, are you okay?”
I look over to find Rachel peering down at me. She is wearing nothing but a long t-shirt, a pair of super short boxers, and a worried expression.
Shit. She definitely wasn’t supposed to see me when I’m sleeping. If I made enough noise to bring her over here, it was a full-blown PTSD dream. I do not want her seeing any more of those and asking questions.
Sitting up and shaking my head, I shove a hand through my sweat-soaked hair, trying to get it out of my face.
“I’m fine,” I mumble. “I just had a bad dream.”
She screws up her face. “Is there anything I can do?”
“No.” I stand up and grab my hiking boots. “Just go back to sleep. I’m going to go for a walk.”
She casts a look around. “It’s dark out.”
Fuuuuuuuck. I’m still a little disoriented and the last thing on earth I need right now is a bunch of questions.
But I don't say anything in response to her observation. Cramming my feet into my boots, I realize I am bare-chested. I grab a long-sleeved plaid shirt out of my backpack and pull it on. “Go back to sleep. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
I stalk off into the trees, acutely embarrassed and extremely agitated. I’m not sure where I will even go but anywhere is better than standing there looking frazzled. Dragging a hand over my face, I sigh.
Rachel being here is tempting. Too tempting.
Her soft lips, her sweet breath. Those little sighs she makes, furrowing her brows…
I’m always worried about her when I’m not fantasizing about what kissing her would be like. How do I know that I won’t sleepwalk into her bunk at night and try to pick up where I left off with her?
God, I wish I was a different person. A stronger one. A person who didn’t have these years of guilt and PTSD stacked on top of him. They threaten to smother me if I even think about slowing down for a fucking second.
I start to repeat my mantra to myself without even realizing that I needed to hear it.
“It is the fifth month, the month of May. It is the tenth day of the month, a Thursday. I’m currently in the Olympic National Park. My name is Grayson James Sellwood and I am okay.” I suck in a deep breath. “I am going to be okay.”
Above me, the stars watch and wait, silently judging me.
Chapter Nineteen
Grayson
In the pre-dawn hours, I end up hiking a lot further than I meant to. By the time I make it back to camp the sun is fully out, coating the camp site in warmth. The fire pit is suspiciously cool; then again, I’m not even sure that Rachel knows how to start a fire, so I’m not entirely surprised.
“Hello?” I call out. “Rachel?”
I stalk over to her cabin and knock on the door. There is no response.
Where would she go? Glancing around, I have literally no idea.
My stomach rumbles faintly. It’s definitely time I ate something, whether or not Rachel is around. The cabin beside Rachel’s is empty except for our stock of food. I snag a bag of trail mix out of there and practically inhale it.
Although I’ve been back at camp for almost twenty minutes, there is still no sign of Rachel. Where could she be? What if something happened to her?
I imagine her lost in the woods, running scared. Pushing that down, I have to talk myself out of feeling like I need to hunt her down.
Shrugging to myself, I decide to change clothes and make myself smell a little better by bathing. Grabbing a bundle of clothes and the eco-friendly soap I use, I set out for the stream. I know it’s just a few minutes away from the camp