him that while he’d been grinding himself into her flesh, all she could think about was how it had been with Charlie.
‘Rhys, I owe you an apology. I’ve obviously done something incredibly stupid.’ She tightened her hold on the sink, her fingertips pressing into the ceramic until pain caused her to loosen her grip. She’d made a huge mistake and, by the dour expression glued to his face, he wasn’t prepared to leave without a full explanation. She tried again. ‘Please don’t think it’s you. I’d feel the same with any man. After Charlie … after everything that’s happened, sex just isn’t relevant anymore.’
‘What, you’re going to die a born-again virgin?’ His laugh was harsh.
‘Hardly! You’re not being fair.’
‘No. It’s you who’s not being fair, Izzy. One minute you’re in my arms and the next … What the hell am I meant to think?’
‘You can think what you like, Rhys,’ she said, turning back to the sink and catching his gaze reflected in the mirror. ‘You won’t believe anything I say but it’s the truth.
‘You wouldn’t recognise the truth if it jumped up and bit you on the arse.’
‘You’re probably right.’
She felt weary all of a sudden, the weight of all her troubles pressing down hard. She’d obviously made a mistake, but mistakes happened all the time and, in the long run, she was the one that had to live with the burden of what they’d just done. She had to know what had happened that day in the car and only then would she be able to start thinking about a future but not with him. He wasn’t in the running. He’d never been in the running, but how the hell did she tell him that without ruining the chance of the case ever being solved? She couldn’t.
She stayed by the sink, reaching for her toothbrush with an unsteady hand. Everything was out of focus, blurred around the edges. She tried to concentrate on squeezing the toothpaste out of the tube in an effort to blot out the sound of the door opening and his footsteps on the stairs. It was only when she heard the front door slamming that she allowed her tears to fall. Tears for Charlie and Alys. Tears for her father and finally tears of self-pity for her. What a bloody mess.
Chapter 38
Izzy
The sight of him standing in the kitchen rinsing out his mug nearly had her heading back upstairs.
‘I thought you’d be long gone.’
‘Well, you thought wrong. I know that I’m probably not one of your favourite people right now but, after what we’ve just done, I feel responsible somehow.’ He spread his hands. ‘Perhaps I should have said no when you crawled into my arms. But it would have taken a better man than me, Izzy – a far better man.’
So he’s blaming me for what just happened. I don’t remember initiating things but whatever. I can’t be bothered to argue. The simple truth is we had sex and now I want him gone.
She flicked on the kettle and reached for a couple of fresh mugs, trying to inject some normality into what felt like the most bizarre of situations. Instead of picking up on his conversation all she said was. ‘Do you want tea?’
‘Only if you promise not to make the situation more awkward than it feels?’
‘I can’t lie and say I feel anything other than uncomfortable at the moment, but I’ll try to forget what a complete idiot I’ve been,’ she said, throwing him a quick look over her shoulder before reaching for the tea bags. ‘I wouldn’t want to hurt your feelings for the world.’
‘But you still can’t see us together anytime soon despite what we’ve just done?’
She shook her head. ‘I’m sorry. I just don’t think of you in that way.’
‘Not as sorry as I am,’ he said, rubbing his hand across his chin.’ He picked up his mug from the counter and carried it into the lounge, leaving her to stare after him with a frown.
She heaved a sigh as she untied the top of the bread and popped a couple of slices in the toaster. Sorry was such an ineffectual word in these kinds of situations. All she wanted was for their relationship to shift back twenty-four hours, but that ship had sailed. The irony of it was if it hadn’t been for that stupid card, she’d never have agreed to let him stay.
Knife in hand, she concentrated on buttering the toast and placing marmalade and homemade