was beginning to regret being mature. In fact, fuck maturity. Why couldn’t I just be selfish and greedy and take her? Each day the silence between us felt like a weight on my shoulders, and though we sometimes spoke, it was only ever about the show or some bland, friendly greeting. I was beginning to worry that she was having second thoughts, that her feelings for me had lessened with time.
And then there was Blake. There were very few people in the world I truly wanted to hurt, and Blake Winters was one of them. The way I’d felt that day when I saw him with his hands on Rose was maddening. I could’ve beaten him to a pulp if I didn’t have so much of my trusty willpower at hand.
The scary part was, I didn’t hate him because he was a bad person. I hated him because I saw how he looked at Rose and I knew he had real feelings for her, feelings that might’ve even rivalled my own. He wanted her, and I wanted to crush him for it.
“Penny for your thoughts?” came a sweet feminine voice, and I turned to find Alicia at my side.
Much to my dismay, I had gone for dinner with her that night. Mostly because I was so messed up over Rose that I’d completely forgotten about it until she’d arrived on my doorstop, all gussied up in a tight red dress. I tried to feign tiredness, but she wouldn’t take no for an answer. At dinner I decided to find some balls and tell her upfront that I had feelings for Rose and I wasn’t interested in a relationship with her. She’d seemed a small bit hurt at first, but she’d quickly gotten over her disappointment. In truth, her disappointment bewildered me slightly. I was an antisocial, grumpy old hermit at the best of times. Why someone as pretty and glamourous as Alicia Davidson would be interested in me was a puzzle I wasn’t equipped to solve.
Over our meal I’d started to tell her about Rose, unable to stop once I started. She seemed to empathise, and told me a few tales about her own love life. Over the weeks she’d become something of an unexpected confidante, and I was more than a little surprised by the easy, platonic friendship we’d struck up.
“Just feeling a little rough today,” I finally answered, and she cast me a sympathetic expression, her eyes wandering across the studio to where Rose was sitting on the floor stretching. Blake stood over her, saying something I couldn’t hear.
Prick.
Alicia patted me on the shoulder, and Rose glanced up just in time to see it.
“It’ll get better. Don’t you worry, hon,” said Alicia. “Are you excited to move into the theatre next week?”
I shrugged. Perhaps I would be excited if I wasn’t so mixed up about Rose. Studio rehearsals were coming to an end, and next week we’d begin dress rehearsals at the theatre. I tried to muster some enthusiasm, but all I could see was Blake standing over Rose, staring at her with the need to possess in his eyes.
“Well, anyway, did you hear about this tradition Jacob has with his casts?” Alicia went on, interrupting my violent thoughts about the man standing in front of the woman I wanted.
I furrowed my brow. “Tradition?”
Alicia tilted her head, grabbing her foot and bending her leg to stretch her thigh muscles. “On the weekend after studio rehearsals finish up, he organises to take everybody for a day of group bonding. I hear that this time around he’s chosen paintballing.”
“It’s true,” said Iggy, unceremoniously joining our conversation as he came into the room, his hair bizarrely up in pigtails. Nobody batted an eyelash. “This weekend we’re all going to spend two hours on a bus so that we can run around the woods shooting bullets of paint at one another. I for one am truly looking forward to the bruises,” he deadpanned, sounding none too excited about the activity.
“I’ve never been paintballing before,” I said.
“In that case you’re lucky,” said Iggy with a wry expression before striding over to speak with a few other cast members.
“Don’t listen to him. It’s tonnes of fun,” said Alicia. “I used to go with my brothers all the time when we were kids.”
“You have brothers?” I asked, wondering how this never came up before.
“Yep. Five of them, and I was the only girl.” She grimaced. “My parents were so surprised I turned out to be