eyes, the hollow spaces where there once had been robust, full cheeks. “You look terrible.”
“I know. I don’t make a very handsome soldier.” Ciro looked around the room. “I have nothing to offer you.”
“That’s all right. I’m not even supposed to be here. If the monsignor finds out, they’ll kick me out of the order. This visit is not allowed, and I must hurry, and be back at the rectory before they realize I’m gone.”
“You’re not allowed to spend time with your only brother?” Ciro said. “Do they know you’re all I have in the world?”
“I don’t expect you to understand, but there’s a reason for it. To become a priest, I have to separate from all I love in the world, and sadly, that includes you. I have something to occupy my heart in a wholly different way now, but I understand that you don’t. If you love me, pray for me. Because I pray for you, Ciro. Always.”
“Any racket but the Holy Roman Church. You could have had any career in the world. Writer. Printer. We could’ve bought the old press and bound books and sold them like the Montinis. But you had to put on the robes. Why, Eduardo? I would have been happy had you been a tax collector—anything but the priesthood.” Ciro fell back on the bed.
Eduardo laughed. “It’s not a career, it’s a life.”
“Some life. Cloistered away. Vows of silence. I could never shut you up. How can you live that way?”
“I’ve changed,” Eduardo said. “But I see you haven’t. And I’m glad.”
“You just can’t see it. But I’m different now,” Ciro said. “I don’t know how I could be the same after what I’ve seen.” He sat down next to Eduardo. “Sometimes I get a good night’s sleep, and I wake up and think, Anything is possible. You’re not in the trenches. You don’t have a gun. Your time is your own again. But there’s a heaviness inside me. I don’t trust that the world is better now. And why else would we have gone to war? What reason could there possibly be to behave like a bunch of animals? I’ll never know the answer.”
“You’re an American now,” Eduardo said.
“True—I will be a full citizen soon. And at least I was on the side of the mighty. I wish you could come with me and live in America.”
“You’ll have to be in the world for me, Ciro.”
“I wonder if I still know how to do that.”
“I hope you will have a wife and a family, the way you always dreamed of. Give them the childhood you always wanted. Be the father we didn’t have. There has to be a special girl. You wrote to me about the May Queen at your church.”
“I only wrote about Felicitá to impress you. I wanted you to think that I’d found religion through a pious princess. I found a lot, but not God. She married a nice Sicilian.”
“I’m sorry. Is there anyone else?”
“No,” Ciro replied, but even as he spoke, an image of Enza Ravanelli appeared in his mind’s eye, and his body filled with a sad ache.
“I don’t believe it. No one loves women more than you do.”
“Is that an achievement?”
“You had a knack for it. There was never any question that marriage would be your calling. It’s not really that different from my own calling. We both reached out for what we needed. Whether it’s spiritual or emotional sustenance, we both went looking for our heart’s fulfillment.”
“Except you have to live in a cell.”
“I am leading a good life in that cell.”
“What about Mama? Have you learned anything else since you wrote to me?”
Eduardo reached into his pocket. “The sisters at San Nicola forwarded this letter to me.”
“What does it say?”
Eduardo unfolded the letter. “She’s had a hard time, Ciro.”
Ciro’s heart was pierced with pain at the thought of his mother suffering.
“All I ever wanted was for the three of us to be together again. Papa was taken from us, but you and me and Mama, that could have been.” Ciro wiped the tears from his eyes.
“I pray every day for Papa’s soul, Ciro. We can’t forget all the effort that went into securing our happiness and safety. Mama tried her best to protect us. No matter what happened, we have to be grateful to her for knowing what was best for us.”
“I wanted her,” Ciro cried. “And even now, she doesn’t want us to know where she is. Why?”
“She tries to answer that in