He lifted himself to stare down at her an instant before he filled her.
She cried out at how good he felt deep inside her body. Biting his lip, he thrust himself against her hips, driving himself in even deeper. No one had ever made love to her like this. Like she was the air he needed to survive.
Ren pressed his cheek against hers and held her as tight as he could. He never wanted to let her go. He never wanted to leave her arms.
For the first time in his life, he fully understood what it meant to belong to someone else. Body and soul. There was nothing he wouldn't do for her. He would crawl naked over broken glass in the lowest pit of hell just to make her smile.
And when she came in his arms, crying out his name, he found a level of heaven he'd never known existed. One he knew he'd never have again.
Damn you, Fates.
And damn him for being such a fucking idiot that he'd screwed up his life so badly.
Clenching his eyes shut, he joined her release and shuddered against her. She ran her hands over his back as she buried her lips against his neck and tormented him with light, sweet kisses.
"Are you all right, Ren?"
No. Once he walked out of her life, he'd never be all right again.
But he couldn't tell her that.
"Fine. You?"
"Worried about you. There's something I can feel, but I don't know what it is."
"It's called nerves."
She snorted. "I know what those feel like. They came out to play with all their friends the entire week before I had to defend my dissertation."
He didn't respond to her attempt to make her laugh as he reluctantly slid out of her and rolled onto his back. She snuggled up against him and sighed contentedly.
So this was what normal felt like....
He'd never experienced it before. How could any man have something this precious and crave anything more?
Kateri watched the emotions play across his face, wishing she could identify them. The only thing she knew for sure was that something bothered him.
A lot.
"So..." She stretched that one word out. "If we survive all this, what will happen to us?"
"You'll go back to teaching and-"
"No, I don't mean us as in you and me. I mean us."
Ren winced at the wave of pain that gutted him. He'd never been an "us" before. Never had someone who wanted to put him in her future.
It was something he craved so badly ... so desperately, he could taste it.
If I still had my soul, I'd sell it to keep you....
And if wishes were Porsches, they'd all ride free and in style. He swallowed against the pain in his heart. Here in this one moment when he wanted nothing to spoil it, he was going to have to shatter the only heart that had ever loved him.
I am a bastard.
"There is no us, Kateri. There can never be an us."
Kateri held her breath as those words kicked her in the teeth. What? You had to know this. Why are you so surprised?