He winced as if he could still see the past. "While her father died, Isabeau found some courage. She grabbed a short sword from the wall and ran at me with it. I wasn't armed so I tried to dodge her swing, but she caught me across the arm with the blade. Acting on instinct, I knocked her away from me and cupped my arm. She stumbled back into the hearth and dropped the sword as the tail of her dress went into the fire. I reached for her to help her, but she bit me and went running for the open door as the fire spread up the back of her gown. As I ran after her, more of the men came between us and attacked me. By the time I'd killed them, it was too late for Isabeau. I found her lying in a heap not far from her cottage. As I rolled her over, I realized she was still alive. Her eyes flared as she saw me, then she spat in my face and died in my arms. I can't get the sight of her burned face out of my dreams. The hatred in her eyes as she spat on me. I keep thinking that I should have somehow known how it would all play out. That I could have done something to save all of them."
"It wasn't your fault Isabeau was stupid."
"No," he said, his dark eyes burning into hers. "She was just a woman of her time who was convinced I was the devil out to steal her soul. I should have never touched her."
"But then you wouldn't have found your mate."
"Yeah, and what good did it do me to find her?"
He did have a point. Sighing, Susan squeezed his hand in hers. "I'm sorry, Ravyn. Everyone deserves to have someone who loves them."
By his face she could tell that he didn't agree with that. Instead of hating Isabeau for her ignorance and stupidity, it was obvious that he hated himself for setting it all into motion. How she wished she could ease that guilt from him. But there was nothing she could do. He would have to learn to forgive himself someday.
"What about you?" he asked quietly as he played with her fingers.
"What about me?"
"Did you ever love anyone?"
Susan bit her lip as her own regret and sadness gnawed at her. "No. Not really." And it wasn't from lack of trying on her part. She just couldn't seem to find anyone who was in sync with her. Someone who could make her laugh... Someone she wanted to grow old with. "At least not like you read about in books or see in movies. I've always wondered what it would be like to be swept off my feet by some sexy stranger. To have that one person who I can't imagine living without come into my life and make me his." She sighed wistfully as an image of it happening played through her mind. Oh, what she wouldn't give to have that feeling just once in her life.
"Yeah. It's such bullshit."
"No," she said seriously. "It does exist. I saw it with Jimmy and Angie. They were so in love that there were times when I would have to leave the room to get away from the jealousy I felt. It wasn't that I begrudged them their happiness, it was just hard to see them so happy while I had no one in my own life."
Susan felt a sad smile play at the edges of her lips. "When I was a little girl, I remember going to see Urban Cowboy with my mom. Remember the scene at the end when John Travolta punches out the bad guy for hurting Debra Winger and then carries her outside? I always wondered what that would feel like."
His callused fingers continued to play with hers. "Well, considering the fact that he doesn't carry her out at the end, that would be hard."
Susan started at his words. "What?"
"She gets carried outside at the end of An Officer and a Gentleman. Not Urban Cowboy. Bud and Sissy walk out arm in arm at the end of that one."
"Oh." Susan frowned as she thought about that. He was actually right and she was amazed that he knew that. She turned to give him a chiding stare. "By the way, I find it fascinating that you know this."
His grin was wicked as he moved her hand to his chest while his thumb stroked her palm and sent little waves of pleasure through her. "Don't. Remember that I live with a girl who's recently gone through puberty. Erika watches those movies over and over again and then cries and carries on for hours about how men like that don't exist and how we're all insensitive pigs who should be neutered."
Susan laughed. She could just see Erika tirading against poor Ravyn, who would most likely look completely baffled by the attack. "You know, she's amazingly astute at times."
"Thanks."
She rolled her weight playfully into his side. "I was just teasing."
"Sure you were. Admit it, you agree with her."
"Some days," she joked. "After all, you guys are a little self-absorbed at times."
"Yeah, like we're the only ones."
Susan paused as she realized just how comfortable she was with him. She hadn't teased like this in a long time. And it felt really good. Licking her lips, she stared at their joined hands and wondered if Ravyn even realized what he was doing.
Ravyn's breath caught in his throat as he saw the tender look on Susan's face. As dark as the room was, he knew she couldn't see him all that well, but he had a perfect view of her face. And she was beautiful. Her blue eyes were tinged with dark circles, but they in no way took away from her angelic features. Her long blond hair was a complete mess and yet he'd never seen anything sexier in his life.
In that instant, he knew that he should get up and sleep somewhere else, but he didn't want to leave her. She'd been right, talking about his nightmare had made him feel better. A lot better. The haunting images were gone now, replaced by her hesitant smile and her gently teasing voice.
And deep in the back of his mind was the question of what his life would have been like if Isabeau had been more like Susan...
Without thinking, he cupped her face in his hand and watched as she closed her eyes to savor his touch. Her skin fascinated him with its softness. Before he could stop himself he leaned down and captured her lips with his. The taste of her invaded every part of his body. Her kiss was tender and precious, and there in the darkness it chased away the shadows of his past and eased the pain that had lived way too long inside him.