Susan didn't say a word as she rubbed his back. She merely lay there, comforting him, gliding her hand along his flesh. Reminding him that he wasn't alone in the darkness. Reminding him that it was okay to be human. He didn't sense her judging him. She didn't think him weak or ineffectual.
And before he realized what he was doing, he was speaking to her about his nightmare. "It's always the same memory..." he whispered. "I'm meeting Isabeau by the lake where I first saw her. She was a merchant's daughter in the town that wasn't far from our village. She and a small group of her friends had been picnicking when my brothers and I were passing through. They'd waved to us, and Dorian had headed for them. "
Ravyn could still see that day so clearly in his mind. It'd been an absolutely perfect warm spring day. The three of them had ridden to town for supplies and were on their way home. He and Dorian were on horseback while Phoenix drove the cart.
The women had been laughing and drinking wine... a lot of wine. Before Ravyn and his brothers had ridden by, the women had been bathing in the lake. Then they'd climbed out to sun themselves on the banks. Half-dressed in soggy chemises that kept falling off their bare shoulders to expose their better assets and giddy from their play, the women had actually catcalled to him and his brothers.
But he left those details out of his story as he told it to Susan. "Since Phoenix was mated, he'd gone on ahead while Dorian and I joined the women. They offered us food and wine." And other things best left unsaid. "I don't know why, but I was instantly attracted to Isabeau. There was something about her that seemed more vivacious than the rest of her companions."
Susan felt an inexplicable stab of jealousy at his words. She didn't like the idea of him cavorting with another woman. But she didn't say anything while he continued to talk.
"After it started getting late, the women packed up to return home. So Isabeau and I made plans to meet again in a few days. Alone."
"You were on the make."
"Yeah, and she wasn't a virgin." He gave a short, bitter laugh. "She was a woman with a hefty appetite and I didn't mind being her main course."
Susan had to force herself not to yank a hank of his hair at that. Bastard.
But then he'd paid dearly for his dalliance with the little tart. It was something Susan wouldn't wish on her worst enemy.
Ravyn took a deep breath before he continued. "One thing led to another and the next thing I knew, we'd set up our meetings fairly regularly."
She frowned at his words. "Weren't you afraid of making her pregnant?"
"No. Weres can't have children with anyone but their mates. Since we weren't mated, there was no chance of that. "
Susan would give him that, but pregnancy wasn't the only thing to be concerned about. "Not to be rude, but what about STDs? Given how quickly she threw herself at you, weren't you afraid she'd give you a gift that kept on giving?"
He snorted. "No. Again, my people can't get those diseases. Our magick keeps us immune from the rest. The only human diseases we share are cancer and common colds."
Lucky you. Susan had to bite back the sarcasm. She didn't want him to pull away while he was telling her his story. "So how long did the two of you keep meeting?"
"About four months. And after a while, I was really infatuated with her. She kept asking me to marry her and I kept putting her off."
"Because she wasn't your mate?"
"Exactly. There was no point in bringing her into my world when she couldn't really be a part of it. And I didn't want to tie myself to someone who wasn't my mate. I used to have this stupid idea that one day I'd have a mate and kids and live happily ever after."
Susan's heart jerked at the hurt that underlined those words. "It's not such a stupid idea, Ravyn. You know a lot of people have the same exact thought. "
"Yeah," he said in a tone that told her he thought those people were fools. "Anyway, when the mark finally appeared on our hands, I thought it was too good to be true. She'd been telling me for months that she loved me. I wasn't sure if I loved her or not, but I enjoyed her company so I proposed as soon as I saw the marking. Isabeau was scared, of course. She thought it was the mark of the devil and I tried to tell her not to worry, but she ran off before I could explain it. "
"You went after her?"
"No," he said to her surprise. "Something in my gut told me to leave her alone... she'd been really hysterical before she took off. So I went home and that night my mother saw the mark on my palm and asked me about it. I told her the truth and tried to make her understand just how distraught Isabeau had been. She assured me that Isabeau was just taken by surprise. And that I owed it to both her and myself to tell her the truth about who and what we were. She was sure that a woman who loved me would accept the truth of it and join us."
He rolled over onto his back to stare up at the ceiling. She could feel the guilt and anger inside him, reaching out to touch her heart. "You have no idea how much I wish I could go back in time and change that night. It's probably why Artemis stripped the ability to time travel from me. God knows, it eats at me constantly and I'm sure if I could, I'd go back and do something stupid."
Susan rubbed his arm soothingly. "Is that what you dream of?"
He turned his head to meet her gaze. "In part. I always see my mother as she urged me to go to Isabeau and bring her back to our village, and then it shifts to the night I became a Dark-Hunter. I keep seeing Isabeau's terrified face in my mind as I killed her father while she screamed and cowered in a corner. "
She hesitated to ask the next question, but she wanted to know the answer. "Did you kill Isabeau, too?"
"Yes."
Susan pulled back at that as her heart hammered. She'd seen Ravyn in action, but even so she hadn't thought that he could be that cold.