"I've suffered and bled for him these many months past. I'd have to be a royal bastard to not defend him now."
She made a face at him. "Let's not bicker over my opinion of your worthless prince. You're the only man I want to think about right now." She kissed him lightly on the lips. "I've missed you so."
Styxx closed his eyes as she licked and teased his neck. This alone had been worth coming back for.
But even as that thought brought a smile to his lips, fear made his stomach ache. He'd heard the same contempt in her voice when she spoke of the prince as his family had for him. How would she react if she learned who he really was?
Never mind the fact that for almost three years now, he'd lied to her.
She would hate you as much as everyone else. Worse, she'd never forgive him. She'd think that he'd mocked her and, like Ryssa, accuse him of horrible things he'd never thought or done or intended. And if she ever learned of the wretched, degrading bargain Apollo had forced on him ...
He wanted to vomit as fear and hatred mingled inside his heart.
Why can't I find someone who can accept all of me? The only one who did was Galen. Only he saw Styxx's heart and understood his real intentions and actions.
"Why are you so sad? Did I say something wrong?"
"No." It was both a lie and the truth. He didn't want her to censor her words around him. Not even when they kicked him in the crotch and left him bleeding. "I'm not quite the boy who left you, Beth. I fear war has changed me."
"How so?"
"In ways that are hard to define. I spent almost two years ankle-deep in blood and body parts. I've held the hands of old men and young boys as they took their last breaths. I've seen boys who were far too young, who weren't even old enough to shave yet, cut down and taken by illnesses we couldn't treat. We burned our dead, day and night, until the stench of it is permanently lodged in my throat and nose. There were days when the fighting was so thick that enemy arrows and spears blocked out the sun from us."
Bethany's heart clenched at the pain she heard in his voice. She knew each of the battles he spoke of, and the horrors. But this was the first time she'd seen them through the eyes of the men who actually fought them. Men who didn't know if they'd live through it or lose a part of their body.
Never before had she understood the fear of the families left behind and how hard it was to wait for a loved one they might never see again. Tears welled in her eyes as she wished she could take those memories from him. "How did you stand it?"
"I would think of you. Knowing you were here, depending on me to come back ... that you would cry if I didn't ... I'm not sure I would have made it through some of the battles had you not been in my heart." He rubbed her hand against the line of his jaw. "I definitely wouldn't have ridden home so fast."
She smiled at his humor then kissed him. "I don't ever want to be without you again."
"Hopefully you won't. I've heard that the city-states have joined together for another truce that should last."
Bethany's stomach shrank at his words. She knew just how temporary the truce would be. "Promise me, if something happens and we have to go to war again, you won't fight."
"I can't do that, Beth."
"Why not?"
Styxx clenched his teeth as he sought a reason he could give her that wouldn't reveal his true identity. "How can I stay at home knowing that men who have fought by my side and protected me, men I have bled to protect, are going to die? As hard as it is to live with the memories of war, I would never be able to face myself as a coward."
She didn't take his words well, but neither did she speak against them.
Leaning forward, Styxx nibbled her lips, reveling in the taste he'd missed more than any other. "I'm tired of speaking and thinking about war. Tell me how you've been. Is your uncle still annoying you? Has your mother finally killed your Aunt Epi? How's your mother? Did your grandfather ever get his sword back from his brother?"
Bethany was stunned by his words. "I can't believe you remember all of that."
"There is nothing about you I forget."
Bethany rolled onto her back and pulled him down to lie against her. He tensed as his pain increased, but after a few minutes he relaxed while she told him partial stories about her extensive family. For a few minutes he was so still that she thought he'd fallen asleep. Until she realized he was slowly working his way through the side of her peplos.
"What are you doing?"
He shifted his weight ever so slightly then skimmed his hand across the skin of her thigh. "What I have dreamed of doing every night since I last saw you."
Chills spread over her at the warmth of his hand questing for the part of her that was instantly throbbing for his touch. Bending her knees, she parted her thighs.
Styxx sucked his breath in sharply at how wet she was already. Even though his body protested, he pushed her peplos aside and opened her for his hungry gaze.