wrap her head around everything.
As soon as she’d arrived home Friday night, she’d stripped out of her clothes and examined her backside. It had been covered in welts and various red marks. Her body tingled in ways she’d never felt before. She’d been spanked to the point of being turned on. Not only that, Mason ordering her around sexually had aroused her so quickly she’d been stunned by her immediate reaction. She’d never let a man tell her what to do, inside or outside the bedroom. But letting Mason take control had felt liberating. Yeah, that had been the word she couldn’t identify that night. Not uncomfortable like her report had been this morning, not unnatural like she’d assumed it would be. Liberating.
How was it even possible that giving a man that kind of control could be freeing? She thought of her upbringing, of all the men who worked at her dad’s garage, of all the boys she grew up with, and she couldn’t imagine letting a single one do anything like that to her. None of her past boyfriends either. Or fellow agents. Hell, not even any of the Bang Shift guys, and they were all big and cocky. It was as if Mason was the only one she could even picture in that role. And she didn’t have to imagine it. The man had truly mastered her. Body and soul. Rafe was just an instrument. Mason Showalter was the maestro.
Had he awakened something inside of her? Or was it really just him? She honestly didn’t know. It didn’t help at all that she was attracted to the man. As in seriously, ridiculously attracted.
Yeah, that was a big problem. If she was smart, she’d confess this little tidbit to Rick and remove herself from the investigation. But that wasn’t an option. This was her first major assignment, and she had to stay focused on getting the information the FBI needed on F and B.
What a mess.
“Sweetie, I think this case has to be screwing with your mind. If you don’t want to talk to the psychiatrist, I’m all ears.”
Shelby opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again. Viola was giving her the chance to relate everything as if she somehow knew Shelby needed to…what? Vent? That didn’t feel adequate. Venting required a certain amount of ranting, which meant she would have to understand what was happening to her enough to be at a point to rant.
She wasn’t. More than anything, she was confused. If she talked now, she’d open herself to a barrage of questions she couldn’t answer. Not because she didn’t want to, but because she was unable to, which was a big reason why she didn’t bring it up in the meeting and why she had to be vague about it all now.
Didn’t matter that talking about the specifics wasn’t an option with Viola. Even if she had someone outside of work to talk to, she doubted she could even begin to articulate what was going on. She’d have to get a handle on this all by herself.
“I’ll be okay.” There was no other option. She’d either power through and deal with all this after the assignment was over. Or…or she could use her time on this case to dig a little into her sexuality—to see if this was something she wanted to pursue in life or if she was just making the best out of the situation. There was no reason she couldn’t do both.
Viola’s lips pressed together in obvious disbelief. Shelby couldn’t blame her. The woman shouldn’t believe she was okay. After staring at her for several seconds, her head jerked in a quick nod. “All right. But invitation still stands. I have a feeling as this investigation continues, you’re going to need it.”
“You and me both,” Shelby muttered. “You and me both.”
“Carl keeps rambling on about the Culpeper Hedge Fund. Did you get it resolved?” William asked Mason as his boss sat across from him in his office Monday morning.
Friday night with Shelby had been damn near perfect, and he’d spent the rest of the weekend allowing himself to relive many of those precious moments in his head. If he had it to do over again, it would be to omit Rafe from the evening. But since he’d started Shelby’s four-part learning experience and submission test with the help of his partners, he couldn’t change the plan now. His colleagues would grow suspicious as to why he was suddenly acting like a dog guarding