Michael to kiss me.
I wanted to kiss him.
His eyes heated, his lips parted. It was the sexiest thing I had ever seen.
The rep swore and slammed down his phone. I jumped in my seat and lifted a hand automatically to cover the heart.
Michael smiled. My eyes flicked back to his.
There were crinkles around the edges. A light shining brightly within the blue. He looked gorgeous. He looked happy. He looked, if I were honest, a little smug.
I arched a brow at him.
He grinned back at me.
Then he leaned forward and whispered in my ear, “You can thank me later,” with so much promise.
I watched as he walked away, his head held high, his shoulders back. I think he was whistling. I realised my mouth was hanging open. I snapped it shut. Shook my head and turned back to my desk when Michael walked out of sight.
I stared down at the cross Sean had given me, then reached forward and picked it up. It glinted in the artificial light of the office. I turned slightly, holding it by its chain above the rubbish bin.
And then I laughed.
It felt like a weight had somehow been lifted when that heavy necklace fell into the bin with a soft thud.
But then, it had nothing to do with the apology cross and everything to do with the heart around my neck.
And inside my chest.
52
But I Can
It was raining. I stared out of the ranch slider window in my flat at the grey sky and puddles forming. My barbecue had spiderwebs on it; they glistened like jewellery with sparkling raindrop diamonds.
I missed my cat.
I stared at the book I was reading; the words blending together. It took too long for me to realise I had read the same paragraph multiple times. I closed the book and sighed.
I was used to being alone. I liked my own company. But the rain was wet, and the sky was dark, and somehow I felt it. It weighed me down and left me crushed beneath it.
I wondered if this was what it felt like for my mum.
I contemplated switching the PlayStation on. I stared at that, too, for too long.
A knock on the front door broke my trance. I reached up to scrub my face and realised I’d been crying. I shook my head and forced myself to stand. My feet felt like lead, my body on automatic pilot.
I knew what Gareth would say. The clinical psychologist had a way about him; he always managed to make me feel less abnormal. Being sad was OK, he’d say. One. Two. Three.
I stumbled down the short hallway and peered through the peephole. Michael stood under the small eave in running shorts and a tight t-shirt, looking wet. My lips twitched as I unlocked the door and stared up at him.
“Great day for a run,” he said.
I shook my head. “You’re crazy,” I said.
“Crazy good at running.”
We stared at each other, the rain pouring down around us.
“Are you going to invite me in?” he asked.
“Oh, sure,” I said, and stood aside.
“I could catch my death of cold, you know,” he said.
“Sure,” I agreed, not believing him. I opened the hot water cupboard and pulled out a warm fluffy towel and handed it to him.
I couldn’t stop watching as he ran the material over his hair, his arms flexing.
“I could kill for a coffee,” he said, once he was dry.
I realised we hadn’t shifted from the small hallway. It felt intimate but also not. The reminder I hadn’t been performing my duties as hostess correctly made it awkward.
I spun on my heel and walked to the kitchen. Michael took a look around my flat.
“Nice place,” he said.
“It’s OK,” I replied.
The kettle clicked off, and I poured us two mugs of coffee. I grabbed a plate of biscuits and crossed to the lounge. It took all of three steps to reach it.
“It’s small,” I said. “But it works for now.”
I sat down next to him and watched as he took a sip of his drink. He grabbed a biscuit and sat back on the couch, making himself comfy. His eyes scanned me.
“Bad day?” he asked softly.
I realised I must have looked a fright. I was still in my PJs, and my eyes would have been red from crying.
I nodded my head.
“Need a hug?” he asked.
I could fall in love with this man.
“No,” I said, smiling. “I wish I had my cat, though.”
“You’d hug your cat and not me?” he looked affronted. And then he said,