once we got past our shit. But I couldn’t come home like that. I couldn’t have done that to Mom, to Delaney and the girls. To you.”
“I wish you had,” he said, tears burning his eyes again.
“Thank you for that, but I did what I thought was right. With their help, I grieved until I couldn’t grieve any more, for my baby girl and my beautiful wife. I learned just how fucked up I was, how Annie’s issues were chemical, which was why she spiraled so far out of control. I knew she was depressed, but I stopped fighting with her to take those pills because it just pulled us apart. But then I learned what I could have—should have—done for her. She wasn’t just depressed. She was bipolar. I was told that when we were mired down with grief, but I couldn’t process it until I was seeing clearly again. And I’ve got my own issues, Har. I wasn’t just a troublemaker when we were younger. I was trying to outrun my own demons and anxiety. You wouldn’t think a teenager could have demons, but I did. Once I could see things more clearly, I grieved all over again for all the things I never did and all the people I hurt. Those men and their families, the Dark Knights, they helped me finish school, helped me find peace of mind. They showed me what I could be, and it was who I wanted to be for Annie, for Destiny, for you and Mom and Dee. For Dad.”
“Fuck, Marshall. I gave you hell when you came home for Dad’s funeral . . .” Harley’s voice was lost to a wave of guilt and regret.
“I was grieving three people I loved in the only way I knew how.”
“I’m sorry for all the shit I gave you. I’d give anything to take it back.”
Marshall shook his head. “You did the right thing. I would have torn our family apart. I wasn’t ready. I needed to find that bar in order to find my way. I think Annie led me there.”
“Did you find her family?”
“No, but I will.”
“I’m here if you want help. Marshall, I’m glad you had those guys, but we could have found a way to help you. You have to know that.”
“Don’t you get it?” Marshall said angrily, sitting up straighter, hands fisted. “I had nothing to offer but heartache. I was a broken brother and son. A waste of life.”
“Who gives a fuck? We’re family.” Harley banged his chest with his fist. “I should have been there for you. I should have gotten you help.”
“No! Stop it! You are not making this about you. This is my heartache! My pain, and damn it, Harley, this is my redemption. You cannot take that away from me.”
“Take it away? I don’t want to take it away,” he said angrily. “I feel like shit for not being there for you, for sending you off without hearing you out. I’m your older brother, the guy who should have had your back.”
Marshall scoffed. “Yeah. I know a thing or two about hindsight and just how fucking painful it is. Don’t go down that dark, angry, painful path. You don’t deserve it, not for a second. I wanted to explain all of this the other night, but you didn’t give me the chance, which was fair given my history. I should have been strong enough to break through and tell you my side of the story, but man, your reaction sent me right back into defensive mode. And when I saw Piper standing with you like she was on your side, all I could think was that you finally got your girl.”
“What do you mean finally?”
Marshall closed his eyes and rested his head back against the wall. “You’ve been in love with her forever.”
“No I haven’t. A few years, but not forever.”
Marshall opened his eyes and looked at Harley like he’d lost his mind. “Do you know why I didn’t come back after I quit school?” He didn’t give Harley a chance to answer. “Because from the moment you found out I cheated on Piper, you were always up my ass. You might have been working in the city, but you kept tabs on me, you called and harassed me, you came home on weekends—”
“To help Dad at the pub or to bail you out of trouble!”
Marshall sat up straight, anger rising in his eyes. “Keep telling yourself that, but I saw the truth.