for helping my son," she said. She looked at me unwaveringly, but her eyes suddenly swam in tears.
"I wasn't able to help when it counted," I said.
"You can't blame yourself," she said gently. "You can't count the times I've cried since he died, thinking I could somehow have warned him, somehow rescued him. I could have gone out for milk myself, instead of asking him to run to the store. That was when they got him, you know, in the parking lot... at least that was where his car was found."
His new car, still with its crumpled fender.
"But you, you fought for him," Lanette said quietly. "You bled for him."
"Don't make me better than I am," I said flatly. "You're a brave woman, Mrs. Glass."
"Don't you make me any better than I am," Lanette Glass said quietly. "I thanked the black Marine the day after the fight. I never thanked you until tonight."
I looked down at the floor, at my hands, at anything but Lanette Glass's large brown eyes; and when I looked up, she had gone.
The crowd continued to exit slowly. People were talking, shaking their heads, pulling on their own coats and scarves and gloves. I moved along with them, thinking my own thoughts. I pushed up my sleeve to check my watch: It was 8:15. Through the open doors ahead of me, I could see that the crowd was thick in the church's foyer. People were hesitating before stepping out into the cold. There were about three people between me and the sanctuary doors, and there were at least six people behind me.
The stout woman on my left turned to me to say something. I never found out what it was. The bomb went off.
I can't remember if I knew what had happened right away or not. When I try, my head hurts. But I must have turned. Somehow I had a sense of the pulpit disintegrating.
I was pushed from behind by a powerful wind and I saw the head of the woman beside me separate from her body as a collection plate clove through her neck. I was sprayed with her blood as her body crumpled and her head and I went flying forward. My thick coat and scarf helped absorb some pressure. So did the bodies of the people behind me. The wooden pews also blocked some of the blast, but they splintered, of course, and those splinters were deadly . .. some of them were as big as spears, just as lethal.
The roar deafened me and in silence I flew through the air. All this happened at the same time, too much to catalog... the woman's head flew with me, we flew together into kingdom come.
I was lying halfway on my right side, on something lumpy. Something else was lying on me. I was soaking wet. There were cold winds blowing in the church, and flames were flickering here and there. I was in hell. I watched the flames and wondered why I was so cold. Then I realized if I turned my head a little, I could see the stars, though I was in a building. This was remarkable; I should tell someone. The lights were out, but I could see a little. I could smell smoke, too, and the sharp smell of blood, and even worse things. And there was a heavy chemical smell overlaying everything, an odor that was completely new to me.
My situation isn't good, I thought. I need to move. I want to go home. Take a shower.
I tried to sit up. I couldn't hear a thing. That made my state even more surrealistic. With some senses so drenched with input and others totally deprived, it was easy to convince myself I was in a nightmare. I lost my place for a few minutes, I think. Then I reoriented, after a fashion. Someone was near me, I could tell, I could feel movement but not hear it. I turned painfully onto my back, put my hands on whatever was lying on my chest, and shoved. It moved. I tried to sit up, fell back. That hurt. A face appeared through the gloom in front of me. It was the face of Lanette Glass. She was talking, I could tell, because her mouth was moving.
At last she seemed to realize that she wasn't getting through. She moved her lips slowly. I decided she was saying, "Where - is - Mookie?"
I remembered who Mookie was, and I remembered seeing her earlier.