The Secret of You and Me - Melissa Lenhardt Page 0,109
of the pickup. “Sounds lonely.”
“It was. I know that now. At the time I thought I was handling everything pretty well. My job saved me. It was tense and high-stress and—I’ve already told you more than I should.
“Then one day, I got a call from a man I didn’t know. I’d given my number to his wife for the next time she was in town. No, I didn’t know she was married. I expected angry, but it was the hurt in his voice that I couldn’t get over. I didn’t like being the other woman, even if it wasn’t my fault.”
“Would you have slept with her if you’d known?”
Nora scoffed and shook her head. “Yeah, probably. I was more careful after that. Then I met Alima.
“We were friends first. She wouldn’t let me keep her at a distance. She told me later that she knew within minutes of meeting me that I was broken, and she was determined to break through my shell to help me. She introduced me to yoga, to meditation, which helped with my symptoms tremendously.”
“Symptoms?”
“PTSD. Insomnia. Nightmares. Headaches. Anger. Control issues. Impatience.” Nora stood and moved toward me. “I know I’ve been angry and impatient, and cruel to you, and I’m so, so sorry. I don’t want to be, and I’m working on myself every day to not be. I didn’t realize how much my structured life helped me manage my symptoms. Cutting ties with Alima is about more than ending a sexual relationship. She’s been my anchor for a while now, and I’m scared shitless of the person I’ll become when I lose that.”
The expression in her eyes was raw vulnerability. Fear. She’d stripped away her cynicism, given up control, to tell me this, and it had cost her. We were both broken, in our own ways. Could I ask her to give up the stability she’d found with Alima for a year and a half of uncertainty she would have with me? I wanted to be her rock, but could I be with all of my issues? Was it really fair of me to ask Nora to risk her mental health to make me happy? No, no, and no. I loved her too much. I embraced her. “Thank you for telling me.” I stopped and swallowed the sob that threated to escape my throat. I inhaled and pulled away to look at her. I smiled, though I knew it wasn’t genuine. “We’ll spend as much time together as we can while you’re here. I won’t ask you about it again. I love you, and I want what’s best for you. If that’s Alima...” I cleared my throat. “I hope Alima will understand if we remain friends. I want that, NoNo. I can’t lose you completely again.”
I really, really wanted to vomit right then. I meant every word I said, I knew it was the right thing to do, but I hated myself for ruining my chance at happiness. I couldn’t imagine finding happiness with anyone but Nora, and the thought of searching for it, of being alone? I really needed to leave before I broke down. I would call Todd and tell him to expect me tonight. I’d ask Logan to go with me. I was going to need someone in my corner, a shoulder or two to cry on.
I looked off into the woods thinking, something is missing. Then I realized: my mouth wasn’t watering. I wasn’t thinking of Jack Daniels, or Maker’s Mark or Old Crow. Today, I didn’t want those old, reliable friends. I wanted the community I’d found a year ago when a bunch of imperfect strangers had opened their arms to a lost, shattered woman. Tonight, I wouldn’t be going as a broken woman. Heartbroken, maybe. But, I knew as long as I believed in myself, and let others believe in me, I would never be that shell of a woman again. It was time to stop thinking only of myself and my problems, and start helping others, and that included Nora most of all.
Nora hadn’t said anything but watched me with an unreadable expression. “Well.” I cleared my throat. “I need to get back to work.” I kissed her on the cheek and headed to my car. The sobs started, but I managed to keep them quiet. I refused to make a scene.
I put my seat belt on and didn’t look at Nora. I couldn’t bear to see her standing there, just letting me go. I understood a