Secret Plunge - Jasmin Miller Page 0,8

hands in my lap. “Yup.”

“So you followed me here after swim practice?” His voice is deep, and oddly soothing.

Flames shoot through my body and straight into my cheeks. I was hoping he wouldn’t come back to that little tidbit. How embarrassing. “I know this is awkward, I’m sorry. But yeah, that’s pretty much what happened. But I swear I’m not a stalker.”

“Hmm.”

“I saw online where you train, and I didn’t want to tell you in a parking lot.” I exhale loudly. “Not to mention, I had to find the nerve to talk to you, but you already know that.”

His eyes widen, as if he realized something. “You didn’t fly across the country to tell me, did you?”

I shift around, uncomfortable with this question. I was hoping it wouldn’t come up at all, or at least not yet. “No. I came out here to visit family too. So I thought I could kill two birds with one stone.”

It’s not a full-on lie, even though my anxiety seems to think differently. Guilt is settling in my stomach like a dead weight, and my armpits are starting to sweat. I don’t do well with lies, but at this point, I don’t think it would go over well if I told Ryan who my dad is either. One thing at a time.

I know firsthand from my dad how the media spouts lies, but I can’t ignore the articles about Ryan and his new coach having a rough start. The last thing I want to do is drive a wedge between them, when it’s so important for them to form a good relationship for his career.

Ryan stays quiet, his gaze fixated on something on the other side of the room. His chest rises and falls with deep breaths as he stays completely still otherwise. I can almost see the wheels turning in his head. I’ve had almost a week to get used to the idea, and most of the time, I have a hard time believing it.

One of the reasons is probably because I still feel pretty much the same. I’m more tired than before, but that can also be because I haven’t been sleeping well. This pregnancy isn’t an easy or small change to my life that I can simply get used to. This is about my whole life. My present and my future.

Nothing will ever be the same as before. Not me or my life, and neither will Ryan’s.

Everything I do or don’t do, every decision I make, I have to consider another human being. Or at least, that’s what I should be doing.

I still feel empty about it all, and from the looks of it, Ryan doesn’t fare any better. What I don’t know is what I’m actually here for. I mean, Ryan might have a girlfriend. Shit. Did he cheat on her?

“Do you have a girlfriend?” I screech right as he says, “This can’t be possible.”

He gives me a horrified look. “What? No. No, Harper, I don’t have a girlfriend. I’m not a cheat. Shit.”

“Sorry. I’m sorry. I’m still in the denial phase too and am not really thinking clearly.” I wring my fingers to keep them from rubbing a hole in the hemline of my shirt. “I also googled condom failure in case you’re interested.”

His eyes are dull as they focus on me, but I take that motion as interest.

“Well, it seems like only three percent of condoms truly fail and result in pregnancy. But if you include condoms that break or come off, or lubricant making them unusable, the number skyrockets to fourteen percent.”

His eyebrows shoot up.

I nod. “I agree. I think I might be done with relying on only condoms after knowing those numbers. Even though I’m sure this baby will prevent me from having sex for a long time anyway.”

To stop myself from rambling on, I press my lips into a thin line.

“So you’re planning on keeping it?” His voice breaks at the end, and my heart speeds up.

I thought about that for about two milliseconds when I first found out before shunning that question from my brain. Even though this feels like a resentful middle finger shoved in my face by life, I could never get rid of my baby.

I wouldn’t go as far as saying that I want it with all of my heart right now, but I definitely don’t not want it either. “I am.”

“Okay.” His voice is calm again.

Is that an age thing? Does your voice get calmer as you get older?

I slap