Secret Plunge - Jasmin Miller Page 0,15

couple, I felt like I was punished or at least put in place somehow on the business side shortly after. There's a reason why people say you shouldn’t mix business with pleasure, and I’ve followed it to a T ever since. Never again.”

I gulp and hope he doesn’t see it. That pretty much just cemented that there will never be anything between him and me. The professional relationship between him and my dad couldn’t be more important to him.

Maybe that’s a good thing? Would I even want to risk the relationship between my child and his or her father for the off chance that there could be something more between Ryan and me?

What are the odds with my history? They’re definitely not in my favor. Everything I touch—my marriage, my job, even a freaking one-night stand—turns into some sort of shitshow.

I cough awkwardly, cursing to myself because shit, in hindsight, I don’t want to know this and wish I could take back my questions.

The way his words make me feel, the way reality sinks deep into my bones about us never becoming a real thing, only makes it clear that I’ve been lying to myself all along.

I don’t know Ryan and have no feelings for him other than liking him and being attracted to him, but deep down, maybe I was hoping after all that . . . maybe sometime down the road, this—him and me, us—could lead to something after all.

In the end, love is built on liking someone and being attracted to them first, isn’t it? The rest follows, sometimes faster, sometimes slower.

But initially, love needs strong roots that will allow it to grow properly. With the right nourishment and affection, it can then blossom and evolve into the wild beauty it has the potential to be.

The fact that I’m lying to him and my dad about their relationship had crushed most of my hope that Ryan and I will ever be more. Adding his no-mixing-business-with-pleasure declaration smashed the last bit that was left.

Ryan gets in my line of vision. “Hey, you okay? You look like you’re in pain. Do you need anything?”

I shake my head, willing the burning sensation in the back of my eyes to go away.

I put on a smile that I hope fools Ryan enough until I can get out of here. “Sorry, I thought of something unpleasant.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

He leans back but some of the tension in his shoulders is back. “How long are you staying?”

Good question. I bought a one-way ticket, because I didn’t know how long it would take me to find him or what to expect.

Now that I know what I’m facing, the urge to go back home grows with every passing second. I want to curl up with Bacon on the couch and cry my heart out to sappy love movies.

“I’m flying back tomorrow.” A white lie since I haven’t booked my ticket yet, but it’ll be for the best to leave while I’m ahead. I like him, a lot, but what good does it do me to get more attached to him at this point? I’m too vulnerable, too emotional.

“So soon.” Ryan’s lips tighten for a second before they smoothen out, and I nod.

I need to go back to my life and figure out how to do this. How to live by myself. I need to prepare myself for what’s to come. By myself.

Besides that, there’s no reason to stay out here any longer. At least not for Ryan. That ship has sailed.

I’d like to stay longer to be with my dad and Sharon, but since I flew out here on a whim, they weren’t able to clear their schedules, and I’d barely see them during the week. Plus, they were going to visit me soon in New York anyway. I’m sure they’ll understand.

At home I can be miserable with Bacon, who misses my mom desperately.

“Did I say anything wrong?” Ryan’s words pull me out of my thoughts, and I look into his brown eyes. They’re rich and warm, like a hot chocolate on a cold winter night.

Comforting. Soothing.

The burning in the back of my eyes returns.

My pregnancy hormones must be loopy.

I inhale deeply and shake my head. “No, just got hit by a wave of exhaustion.”

“I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do.”

I shrug. “It’s all right. It’s not like you got me pregnant on purpose.”

He blinks rapidly. “I’d never do that.”

His voice is so strong, so . . . fierce and earnest that I