Secret Plunge - Jasmin Miller Page 0,14

. . . I don’t know.

I feel empty somehow, which is ironic, really. I thought I felt lonely last year when my husband told me he wanted a divorce because he wasn’t feeling it anymore. It wasn’t what he thought marriage was going to be like. He didn’t even care enough to explain it to me. He simply didn’t want me anymore.

Somehow, it doesn’t compare to how desolate I currently feel.

Ryan is still waiting for an answer, so I clear my throat. Once. Twice. “Yeah. Only a few days before I flew out here.”

“Does the thought get any less crazy?”

I snort and pull on the hem of my shirt. “Not really. Most mornings, it still hits me that there’s a small human growing inside of me. I honestly don’t think it can get weirder than that.”

Ryan brushes a hand through his hair. “Probably not. That’s nature for you, I guess. It does amazing things, no matter how hard it is to wrap your head around them sometimes. It creates beauty in mysterious ways. Sometimes I wonder if we’re supposed to understand it all.”

I stare at him. At this beautiful man who has more depth to him than I remembered. I don’t want to say I’m surprised, but maybe I am a teeny bit? It’s . . . cute. Fascinating. And . . . sexy.

I welcome the unexpected change of topic. It pulls back my emotions from the deep hole they scattered into.

He scratches his neck. “Sorry, forget what I said.”

“No, no. You’re right. Nature is bigger than us in every possible way, and I don’t think we even understand a small portion of it. There’s a lot of ugliness, but it’s also full of miracles.”

His eyes zoom in on my belly, and we’re quiet until he clears his throat. “Are you feeling all right? Any symptoms yet?”

I shake my head. “Just tired. I can’t remember ever having been this tired before.”

“Make sure to get some extra rest, then.”

“Yes, Daddy.” The second the words are out of my mouth, my face turns hot. Like really hot. And Ryan bites his lip, the corners of his mouth twitching.

Oh. My. Goodness.

Somebody save me.

How embarrassing.

“I . . . I don’t know why I said that. That just slipped out.”

He nods and chuckles. “All good.”

So far, I’m happy to see that he seems to be the same guy I met a month ago. Easygoing, patient, and understanding. Cute and charming. Polite. And very easy on the eyes, but I’m trying to ignore that fact because that’s not what I’m here for.

I gulp down the rest of my water and hope my face is back to its normal skin color after my ridiculous comment. “So, what about you and your life? I know you must be busy with swimming.”

He leans back in his chair and props one ankle on his knee. “I am. Since I want to have one more good go at the Olympics my training is taking up most of my time. Besides that, there isn’t much else.”

The tension from before has left his body, and it’s probably the first time since I barged into his house that I’ve seen him relaxed.

Ryan brushes a hand through his hair, something he does a lot. “You’ve met my brother who comes over sometimes. Mostly to raid my fridge, but he’s a college student, so that’s somewhat expected. After my grandpa died a few years ago, my parents moved to Southern California to help with my grandma, and Zane stayed with me so he could finish high school. And I’ve never been married.”

Well, that was a lot of info packed into a few sentences. Exactly what I wanted.

“You’ve never been married?” This time, I’m not even embarrassed about being blunt because I’m genuinely baffled.

“Nope.”

“Why?”

Ryan chuckles. “Just never got to that point, I guess.”

There’s this urgency in the pit of my stomach to know more. “Never engaged either?”

“Nope.”

I shake my head, unable to understand this new information on him. It doesn’t add up. He’s insanely attractive and seems like a nice guy. “How is that possible?”

He smiles but seems to make the decision to indulge me and my questioning. “I don’t have a lot of time to date and never found the right partner.” He pauses and studies me like he’s weighing his options about something. “Once, I thought I did, but things ended before they progressed.”

“What happened?”

He grimaces. “She was the daughter of one of my sponsors, and whenever things didn’t go smoothly with us as a