The Second Virginity of Suzy Green - By Sara Hantz Page 0,56
probably qualify by default.
“So, you don’t want to go out with me any more?”
“That’s about the size of it. Look I don’t want to spoil anyone’s evening. Go back inside and I’ll be in soon. We needn’t say anything to others. We can wait until school. You can say you finished with me.”
Guy glares at me then Ryan, then back at me again. “Whatever.” He turns and walks away.
Shit, I feel guilty.
Ryan and I stand in silence for what seems like ages but is probably only a couple of minutes.
“Well,” I finally say. “I’ve done it now. No turning back. I’m toast once Guy tells everyone I’m not who they think I am. Still, I suppose you’re pleased about that. I guess you think it serves me right.”
Ryan runs his fingers through his hair, a sure sign he’s thinking—well it always used to be.
“Of course I don’t. I might not like what you’ve done but that doesn’t mean I want you to suffer. Far from it.”
“I’m so sorry, Ryan. Believe me hurting you is the last thing I’d want to do.”
“Enough.” He holds up his hand to silence me. “We’re cool. And it will work out with your friends. It’s good they get to know the real you. Anyway, whatever Guy says I don’t think they’ll get it. It’s hard for someone to believe you’re really someone else when all they’ve seen is the person you’ve pretended to be. When they see the old you they’ll realize.”
“You mean I’ve got a stay of execution, then?” I laugh. But it’s half-hearted as thoughts of Rosie and my parents flood my mind. “In all this I’d forgotten about Mom and Dad. They’re going to be so disappointed in me. Again.”
“Why?”
“Try because I did this for them. I can’t bring Rosie back. God knows I would if I could. But by being like her, doing well at school, hanging out with the in crowd it was like I could bring some of Rosie back to them and I—”
“Suzy, stop.” The firmness of his voice stops me in my tracks. “Your parents wouldn’t want you living a life like Rosie’s just to make them feel better. Where’s the sense in that? They’ve lost one daughter, would they really want the other daughter to be unhappy and stifled for the rest of her life? Of course not.”
“Not consciously maybe. But deep down they might. Deep down they’re probably thinking the wrong daughter died. Especially with what happened afterwards.”
“What happened afterwards?”
I bow my head and rest it in my hand. “You don’t want to know. You really don’t.” My knees sort of give way and Ryan reaches for my arm. How feeble does that make me?
“Come on,” he says leading me to a wrought iron bench. “Take some slow deep breaths. You’ve got a lot of stuff pent up in there.”
“I think you’ve been watching too much Dr Phil.” A half-smile tugs at my lips. We both sit down on the bench and I do as he says. It does make me feel a bit better.
“Come on. Tell me what happened. It can’t be that bad.”
I take a long slow breath. “Okay. You asked for it.” I swallow hard. “Rosie dying sent me into a tailspin. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t talk to anyone—even Maddie. Couldn’t eat. Couldn’t do anything. It was my fault, you see—”
“It wasn’t. I’ve already told you that—” I hold up my hand to silence him.
“Please, Ryan. Let me finish.”
“Sorry.” He rests his hand on top of mine. But I pull it away.
“Like I said. When Rosie died I couldn’t hack it. I totally lost the plot. Went on bender after bender. Most of it’s a blur until after I got arrested for causing a public nuisance.”
“What were you doing?” His voice isn’t sounding so gentle anymore. I knew this would happen.
“Let’s just say my clothes and I parted company and the people visiting Rydale Fountain might think twice before visiting again for their family vacation.” The thought of it makes me feel sick. Even though I can’t remember much about the whole thing.
“Were you on your own?”
“No. At first a girl called Lucy from school was with me. She took off when the police arrived. Not that I blame her. Who wouldn’t in the same situation? I often wonder what happened to her. Anyway, Mom and Dad bailed me out. They said they understood. But I heard them talking. I heard Mom say, ‘why can’t she be more like Rosie?’. So, I’m