we kept on the coffee table because neither one of us ever remembered to buy Kleenex. She blew her nose and then put her face in her hands while I rubbed her back.
I kept trying to make her feel better. “You aren’t the reason he’s in pain. His mom did that, not you. And think about how much worse it would be if you broke up with him. I’m pretty sure that would destroy him. You’re his entire world.”
She nodded. “I can’t even imagine my life without him. But I would give him up so that he could be happy.”
“Which is why you’re the one he deserves to be with. The person who puts his happiness above their own.” Unlike his stupid mother, but I refrained from adding the last part on.
“Okay!” She straightened back up. “I’ll call him after this movie’s over and talk it out with him. But thank you, Juliet. You’re the best friend a girl could ask for.” She hugged me tightly. “Let’s finish this and then I’m going to have a difficult conversation.”
She pushed play and the movie started up again. After a minute or two, she said, “I wonder if Noah Douglas kisses like that in real life. If he’d be all aggressive and take charge.”
Without thinking, I said, “He’s actually very sweet and gentle.” I immediately realized my mistake, and it was like time came to a complete stop.
Shelby stood up and shrieked, “What?” Only she lengthened the vowel sound in the word for, like, twenty seconds. “You’ve kissed Noah Douglas? Where? When? How? Anywhere interesting? What else should I know? How is this happening and you haven’t said one word to me? You’ve been sending me these texts saying ‘what’s up’ and what was up was that you were making out with Noah Douglas! Details, now. All of them.”
I sighed. Now I was the one who was about to have a difficult conversation.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
When I didn’t respond, I saw her suck in a big breath, ready to barrage me with another round of questions. I held up my hands to ward her off. “In order for me to tell you anything, you have to stop talking first and sit back down.”
And there was no way to tell her about Noah without giving her the full picture. I wasn’t terrified or frozen by the idea of telling her. Maybe it was because I’d already told Noah everything? My secret no longer felt earth-shattering. These stories had somehow just become part of who I’d been, and they didn’t define me.
I didn’t know who to give credit to for that.
So I filled her in, starting with what had happened to me in high school (which she’d never known about, since we’d gone to different schools) and about my full-blown phobia over kissing. I also told her about my arrangement with Noah—how he was helping me to overcome my phobia, but that we were strictly friends and nothing more. While I talked her eyes kept getting bigger and bigger until she resembled an anime character.
When I had caught her up on everything that had happened between him and me through the events of tonight, I tensed up, some small and scared part of me still believing she might think I was weird or make fun of me. But I should have known better. There was a reason she was my best friend.
“That’s why you never date,” she said sympathetically, taking both of my hands in hers. “I wish I’d known. I was always pushing you at guys and this was how you felt? I’m so sorry.”
“You didn’t know.”
“I should have.”
“How?” I said with a laugh.
“I just should have had best friend ESP or something. You really think that trying to kiss Noah Douglas is going to fix this?”
“That’s kind of the plan.”
She gave me a sad smile. “Is falling in love with him also the plan?”
What? That wasn’t going to happen. “I told you, we’re just friends.”
“You like him as a person. It sounds like you guys click really well and get each other’s sense of humor. You are friends. You add in attraction and intimacy and physicality? Like, that’s going to go somewhere.”
She wasn’t seeing the big picture. “It isn’t. We’re compartmentalizing. I’ve compartmentalized for a really long time. I can do it here, too.”
“You’d have to be superhero-level strong to avoid falling for this guy.” She gestured toward the TV.
“Call me Supergirl. I got this.”
“Okay. You can claim friends only, but you do realize