time since you’d left Pleasant Hill. I finally felt like I could breathe again, and then I saw you and my heart beat like it only ever had when we were together. No one else has ever made me feel that way, and I’d almost forgotten the difference between merely surviving and really living. If Tory’s death taught me one thing, it was the importance of spending time with the people I love. I wanted you that night, but in the predawn hours, I thought about how you’d never come back for me after Tory died, and all that old pain swamped me again. I thought hurting you would give me closure. But it only made me sadder. And then…” She swallowed hard and lowered her eyes.
“And then what, Carls?”
CARLY HAD IMAGINED having this conversation with Zev so many times, but even after all these years, she was terrified. She lifted her eyes, but not her face, looking at him from behind her hair—hiding from the truth that had once torn her apart as badly as when Zev had left Pleasant Hill. She inhaled a shaky breath, mustering all of her courage, and said, “Then I found out I was pregnant.”
The air rushed from Zev’s lungs. “Preg…pregnant?”
She nodded. “I found out six weeks after we were together in Mexico.”
“You have a kid? We have a kid?” Confusion rose in his eyes. “How can I not know this? Does my family know? I don’t…I don’t understand.”
She shook her head. “We don’t, Zev. I miscarried a few weeks after I found out.”
“Oh, shit, babe…” Tears glistened in his eyes. He looked as wrecked as she felt, and she’d had a decade to get over the pain. He pulled her into his arms and said, “You should have had someone track me down. I would have come back to be with you.”
His heart slammed against her cheek. “I hated the way I left you in Mexico and the way you left after Tory died. I was so confused. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t tell anyone.”
He drew back, gazing into her eyes, and said, “Jesus. I should have been more careful. I always got so carried away with you.”
“Don’t do that. It was both of our faults. I never blamed you.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me?”
“At first I didn’t know if I should even tell you I was pregnant, because I didn’t want you to come back for a child if you didn’t want me.”
“I wanted you, Carly! I fucking wanted you so badly. But I thought you were done with me.”
Tears blurred her eyes, and she swiped at them with a shaky hand. “I know that now. But Tory was gone; you were gone. I had nobody to talk to. I was all alone at school.” Her chest constricted. “I was a mess for weeks while I tried to figure out what to do. When I was finally able to think clearly enough to make a decision, I realized how much I wanted the baby. I was worried that if I’d tracked you down, it would seem like a ploy, something out of a bad movie where the ex comes up pregnant and tries to trap a guy.”
“I’d never think that of you.”
“I know! But I was hurt. It took me a minute to figure that out. When I finally came to that realization, I was going to try to track you down, but then I miscarried. I don’t know if it was stress or just not meant to be, but it doesn’t matter why it happened.”
“Christ,” he ground out between gritted teeth, and hauled her into his arms again. “I should have been there.”
“None of that matters now.”
“It all matters. You must have told your parents. Did they help you through it?”
“I went home when school was over, but I never told anyone. It was too painful to talk about, and I knew everyone would blame you, and that would have been wrong.” She looked up at him, still in the circle of his arms, and said, “We were both there that night, and I’m the one who left without a word.”
“You didn’t have to protect me. All these years, you’ve carried that burden alone?”
“I’ve never told my friends or my parents, but eventually I talked to a therapist, and that helped a lot.”
He sighed, clearly relieved. “Good. I’m glad. But I still wish you had told me, even after the fact.”