your mind, but you were gone. You left me behind,” she choked out.
“I had to, bab—”
“Don’t!” She shook her head, tears flooding her cheeks. “You always asked what I needed. Always!” Sobs stole her voice, and he reached for her again, but she jerked back and said, “But not that night. You just walked away like I meant nothing to you.”
“I walked away because you meant everything to me!” He didn’t mean to yell, but her pain, and her venom-laced words, cut him to his core. He ground out a curse, trying to reel in his emotions, but it was like trying to stop a tsunami. “I didn’t ask you because I thought I knew what you needed, and that was for me to leave. Do you think it was easy for me to walk away from you? The only person I wanted to be with? To leave my home? My family? It was the hardest thing I’d ever done. I’ve thought about you every second of every damn day of my life. When I close my eyes, I see your face. When I see a blonde on the street, my heart fucking beats faster with unstoppable desperation to see you, which is followed by the debilitating reality of knowing I should keep my distance. I physically ached at the sight of you in Mexico. I knew I’d made a mistake by leaving, and I thought maybe we could find our way back into each other’s lives. But by then you were done with me.” He lowered his voice as the crushing pain of waking up alone returned. He lifted his eyes to hers and said, “At least I had the guts to say goodbye.”
She turned away, shaking her head and swiping at her eyes, her voice cracking as she said, “I couldn’t take a chance that you’d leave me first.”
“I wouldn’t have,” he confessed, but he had no idea if she’d heard him. He walked around her, giving her no choice but to look at him. She lifted her tear-streaked face, looking deflated, like she had nothing left to give. “I get it, Carly. You were in survival mode. That’s why I didn’t go after you. I knew I was selfish when I broke up with you and left home, and I’ve regretted it every day of my life. I was a broken, stupid kid who loved you too much to understand how to deal with it. I am sorry, Carly. I’m so fucking sorry for the way I hurt you, the way I hurt everyone. I don’t blame you for wanting to hurt me back.”
“It was stupid of me to leave. I was still so in love with you, I cried the entire plane ride home the next day, and then…” She turned away again, and Zev moved with her.
“And then what? Talk to me, Carls. Let’s just get it all out, right here, right now.” He cradled her face in both hands and wiped her tears with the pads of his thumbs. How was it possible to look so sad and so beautiful at once? He didn’t let go of her face; he couldn’t. He might never get another chance to hold it. “I thought I was doing the right thing by not going after you in Mexico. I didn’t want to make it any harder for you.”
“I wish you had come after me.” More tears streamed down her cheeks, wetting his hands. “I needed you,” she said shakily. “I needed you so badly.”
He pulled her into his arms, holding her as she cried. “I’m so damn sorry. I didn’t know. I took off, angry and hurt and blaming myself all over again. I didn’t mean to hurt you by not coming after you.”
“It doesn’t matter,” she said a little sharply.
He drew back, gazing deeply into her eyes. He saw her walls going up again and said, “It does matter, Carly. Everything that has ever happened between us matters. It’s shaped who we are and how we feel. I’ve lived a hundred years in the last decade, every minute wishing I could go back in time and start over. I should have walked out of that bar in Mexico and never looked back. I should have let you live your life without any further pain. But I couldn’t. I loved you too much.”
She tilted her head, a small smile on her lips despite her tears. “I wanted that night with you. So much had happened in the