to kill him or see his father sink to the bottom of the lake. But he did, he saw all of it. He watched the water as we rowed away, and then he turned and watched me. I wanted to hug him but I was afraid to stop rowing.
Rudy didn’t cry, he didn’t ask questions, he didn’t complain even though by the time we got to the store he was frozen stiff. He was shivering and his lips were blue. Samuel gave him dry clothes and hot cocoa. He drove us as far as Lewiston, where I told him my mother was coming to meet us and he reluctantly left. I didn’t want there to be anything tying me to the island. After he left I realized that Rudy was burning up so I took him to the hospital. He had pneumonia. He nearly died. He lost the hearing in his left ear and by the time he came to he wasn’t the same little boy anymore.
Imagine knowing your father tried to kill you. Imagine watching your mother kill your father. Rudy was—is—traumatized. Whenever anyone tries to grab him he strikes out. It’s a reflex, part of his PTSD. But I couldn’t take him to a psychiatrist because I was afraid of going to jail for killing Luther—not for my own sake but for Rudy. How could I let him lose his mother too?
You know that’s what will happen now, Kevin will say. If we go to that lake and find a body—
I’ll take you to it, I’ll tell him. I don’t care what happens to me. As long as the court knows that Rudy couldn’t help it. Whatever he did to Lila—it’s not his fault; it’s mine.
Kevin Bantree will understand. He knew me when I was a girl. He knew Luther Gunn. He’ll believe me and he’ll make others believe me. He’s my best chance to save Rudy.
I get out of the car, clutching my book bag. The day has gotten cold and overcast, the sky spitting icy rain. I see Harmon’s car—a matching forest-green Subaru—parked crookedly in a handicapped spot. How upset he must have been to park illegally! How horrified he’ll be to learn his wife’s a murderer!
When I come inside the station the woman at the reception desk looks up. I recognize her as one of the mothers at the soccer games I used to take Rudy to before he was kicked off the team for hitting another kid. She frowns at the sight of me.
“I need to speak to Kevin Bantree,” I say.
“He’s in an interview—” she begins.
“It’s about the case he’s working on,” I cut in. “I have important information. He’ll want to see me.”
She purses her mouth disapprovingly but punches a button on her phone. “Sergeant Bantree, Mrs. Henshaw is here to see you. She says she has important information regarding the case you’re working.” She manages to inject a load of skepticism into the word important but her self-satisfied smirk fades at whatever Kevin’s response is, and she says to me grudgingly, “Officer Bantree will be down to see you as soon as he can get away. You can have a seat in the waiting area.”
I am too hyped up to sit. I pace the short stretch of muddy linoleum in front of a bulletin board full of notices for Pancake Sundays at the local church and Chili Night at the firehouse. What a nice town. When Jean, whom I called from the Lewiston Hospital because I couldn’t think of anyone else, offered me a secretarial job and free housing at the school, I thought that Rudy and I would be safe here.
But just because the monsters are dead doesn’t mean they’re all gone.
Rudy’s had to carry his monster inside of him all these years. Maybe now, once I’ve come clean, he can get the help he needs to rid himself of that.
I hear footsteps behind me and whirl around, expecting Kevin Bantree, but it’s Morris Alcott. His face is an unhealthy florid pink, his Harvard tie askew. He looks flustered. Morris is used to handling tax evasion and DUIs, not murders. I feel sorry for him, but not so sorry that I don’t grab him roughly by the arm.
“Where’s Rudy?” I demand.
“Rudy? They let him go after questioning him half an hour ago. Now they want to question you. Hopefully you can put this ridiculous affair to rest. They’re hinting they’ve recovered DNA evidence but that might be a bluff. But