speak with her much since his arrival, but his desire for her hadn’t abated one bit.
Even if it did make him wonder if he was going to get strung up by the bollocks or attacked by a wild boar.
The pressure was on him to make a decision. He either had to approach Dyna about her feelings or leave her behind and go on his way.
He certainly didn’t intend to just leave, yet he didn’t know how to pursue her with all of her male kin watching his every move. He’d never been in a situation like this before.
Alex sat at the dais with Emmalin, Alasdair, and the wee ones, John sitting next to Seanair. Four other long tables bustled with other clan members.
The hall had a joyous atmosphere, just as it had on Derric’s other visits to MacLintock land, and he felt a pit of emptiness inside of him. He’d been constantly on the move ever since his parents had been killed. It was a hard life, but one he liked. Or so he’d always told himself. But now, sitting with this clan, experiencing their warmth for one another—even if the men currently didn’t have much warmth for him—made him question everything he’d thought he knew.
King Robert had asked him once what he wanted out of his life. He wanted to arrive at the gates of heaven and have his parents greet him with smiles on their faces instead of what he knew would happen: his mother would be crying and his father would be comforting her. They’d be grief-stricken for all Joya had experienced. For the way Derric had left her alone.
He hadn’t attempted to explain this to Robert, instead telling him he wished to see Scotland free. It was the only answer he could think of that drew him away from the guilt that riddled him every day. The decision to leave had been easier when he’d thought he was doing what was best for Joya, when he hadn’t known it had almost killed her.
He glanced over at her, Joya’s happiness showing in her face, her voice, her laughter. One would think his guilt would have eased now that she’d found such happiness with her husband, but it hadn’t.
Probably because he’d only just learned about the reivers who had attacked and raped her years before. He couldn’t stop thinking about it. He couldn’t stop stewing in the guilt.
How he wished they’d had the childhood of a Grant instead of losing their parents so young.
He tried to shake the dark thoughts away, wanting to enjoy the food, the company, and the revelry. This would be a night to remember, he was sure of it.
The group hadn’t been seated long when the serving lasses brought out platters of food. The smell of roasted pheasant caught Derric first. None of them he traveled with could shoot a pheasant down. His diet consisted mostly of rabbit and duck, though he caught an occasional fish or two to roast and enjoy. Alasdair had cut a huge piece of the wild pig so they could savor some at the feast tonight. The rest would be roasted overnight on the spit.
A platter of sliced pig meat was set on their table, and his mouth watered at the sight of it. The dishes kept coming: two crusty loaves of dark bread; a bowl of baked apples and pears dotted with cinnamon; mutton meat pies; bowls of cabbage; and a mix of carrots, parsnips, and peas.
Joya said, “Brother, close your mouth before the drool shows.”
Els laughed. “The poor lad is starving. He’s been eating camp food mostly. Who can blame him? Other than an occasional pigeon and lots of rabbit, he gets no meat to eat.”
“Laugh as you will, but I’ve been able to catch a few fish of late. But this all looks delicious. I will indeed enjoy it. Especially the pheasant.” He winked at Dyna.
She just shot him a look and reached for the bowl of vegetables. He cast a few furtive glances at her as he served himself—seeing her take a hunk of bread and then try her first bite of the apple and pear concoction. She closed her eyes and licked her lips, sighing deeply.
Derric dropped his utensil on the table at the sweet sound coming from the lass.
Joya elbowed Els, but Derric never said anything, instead returning to his food. Still entranced with all the offerings, the only thing that had interrupted his thoughts had been Dyna’s nearly carnal moaning.
Joya asked, “So