for nothing. I’m losing her. I know I am, yet I can’t stop myself from pushing forward in the off chance that she will stay with me. I’m fucked up. I ruin shit, but this, what I feel for her, that’s not a mistake. I know what I feel and I want to keep it, bottle it up, and never let it out. I need her.
It’s not okay. Nothing is. I almost lost her once in that hotel room, and as much as I told myself that I didn’t need her, it’s all a fucking lie. I’ve never needed anyone the way I need Whit. I can’t let her go. No matter how much I know I should.
Chapter 30
Whitley
Mason sleeps soundly in his bed while I watch him sleep. The strong lines of his jaw and the scruff on his chin, he’s gorgeous. He’s perfect and with the moonlight spilling through the window onto him he looks like an angel.
Shaking my head, I shove off the bed and wander around the house. I can’t believe he brought me here. I stop in the living room when a picture catches my eye. Walking closer to the small mantle I pick the picture up. Mason has his arm around a girl, which is clearly his sister. They are the spitting image of each other. Her long hair is tossed over her shoulder with Mason’s arm around her waist. She’s smiling one of the biggest smiles I’ve ever seen. Mason’s smile isn’t far behind. He looks extremely happy.
“You look so happy,” I mumble running my fingers over the picture so lost in thought that I didn’t hear him get up.
“I was.” When I turn around I see him leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his bare chest. I gasp.
“She was so beautiful.” He nods his head as I look back at the picture.
“She was a lot like you,” he says pulling my attention back to him.
“How so?”
“You both had pasts that hurt you. You both put on a happy front to keep others away. Would you believe that picture was taken two days before she killed herself?” he asks me.
My heart thuds in my chest. I look back down and see that she looks happy. Not a single trace of sorrow or regret is seen in her eyes.
“She was great at hiding it,” I say softly. I can see Mason shove off of the wall out of the corner of my eye. He moves towards me and takes the picture to look at it.
“We had the best day. We ate, talked, and laughed. She was who she was meant to be that day. Briann was always different. She was always a little darker than others. Our stepdad, he uh, he beat her a lot when I moved out. I didn’t know about it at the time. I wouldn’t have left her if I’d known. He abused her, molested her, and let his friends,” he looks away from the picture letting his voice trail off. The pain is evident in his stance. His muscles are coiled tightly and a slight tremor goes through him. I take a step closer to him and put my hand on his arm.
“Some people aren’t strong enough to handle their past.”
“Are you one of them? Do I have to worry every day that you won’t be around when I come back?” he asks me. His question shocks the hell out of me. I gasp and jerk my hand back like his skin just burnt me. His eyes come to rest on mine.
“I’m not something you need to worry over Mason. I never have been,” I tell him. Mason’s eyes fill with hurt and anger.
“But you are. Don’t you get that? You are somethin’ I worry about Whitley. Fuck!” he roars as he throws the picture across the room. The glass shatters on the floor. Mason runs his hand through his hair as I can see the anger wracking his body.
“So stop. I never asked you to care Mason. I never asked you for any of this shit!” I scream back at him. His eyes burn through me as he watches me, not saying a word. His eyes turn haunted and a shadow crosses his features. He slowly nods his head and takes a step back.
“You’re right, you didn’t ask me, but I can’t fuckin’ help what I feel,” he says softly. “You don’t want me? Fine, I can’t force you Whit. You have to know that