He pulls out of me and I try turn over to look at him, but this time he moves even quicker. He presses me back to the bed and makes a growling noise in his throat. I don’t move, but it isn’t from fear. It’s almost out of respect for him, which is completely insane. I don’t even know him. I’m slowly losing my grip on reality and that terrifies me. What if I let my guard down and they find a way to get to me? What if my past is slowly chasing me down? That thought makes me cry even harder because I know what will happen if I’m ever found.
Just like last time as the tears are falling down my face my mystery man disappears into the night. Once again I’m left alone to my own humiliation. I pull my shorts back up and walk back to my room. I fall onto my bed and grab the box next to it. I open the lid and look at my demons.
“I didn’t want to do it! I didn’t know what else to do. You have to know that,” I scream at the photo.
The one picture of the man that changed everything in my world. I used to think so highly of that man.
“I didn’t know what to do.” Tears spill down my cheeks and land on the photo in my hands.
I lie down and curl onto my side while holding the picture closer to my heart. If I had’ve had more time I could have come up with something. I could have saved him. I could’ve done something more, but I was just too weak.
Just like the others told me I was. I was fucking weak.
Chapter 9
Monster
I’ve stalked around the back door of the clinic for the last three hours. It’s eleven in the morning and she still hasn’t come outside yet. It’s a Sunday and I know Paul isn’t here today. I flick my cigarette to the ground and fiddle around in my pocket for my tools. Popping the back door open is easier than it should be considering the side of town we’re on. I make a mental note to tell Paul to get a better security system in place.
I stalk through the building and veer off into the room I know she stays in and find her curled up and sound asleep. I debate leaving, but something is in her hand and it intrigues me. I walk over, bend down, and pull it from her hand gently. I look at the photo and see that it’s a picture of a man. I wonder who the hell he is? For some reason this stirs my anger. I lay the photo back on the bed next to her and turn to leave when she speaks.
“He’s the past,” she says softly.
“Is that why your eyes are all puffy and red?”
Kyza shifts on the bed, sits up, and looks over at me.
“The past hurts sometimes. Doesn’t the past ever bother you?”
I swallow the lump in my throat and nod.
“I think you saw that first hand that night.”
“What are you doing here?” she asks as she pulls the blanket up to her chest.
“I was gonna see if you wanted to ride with me today. I need to get away and clear my head for a bit,” I tell her.
Kyza watches me closely not sure of my intentions. Quite frankly, I don’t know either. In the light of the day I’m the monster that others fear, but in the darkness of the night I’m free. I’m me and I can be whoever the hell she wants me to be. Taking her out with me today would show her what it’s really like to walk around with scars the that mar my body and the way others react to them. It will show her why I am the way I am, and I’m not sure she’s ready for that.
“Why?” she asks softly.
I shake my head, run my hand through my hair, and turn on my heel. I can’t do this. I can’t let her in. What the hell was I thinking?
“Don’t leave.”
Her words stop me in my tracks. I turn to look at her as she climbs out of the bed. Her little shirt is hiked up and I can see her toned stomach underneath. She follows my gaze and quickly pulls her shirt down. I just smirk at her.
“Where are we going?” she asks moving around the room while