lying to myself. Misleading myself for reasons that I still wasn’t certain were actually good.
Yes, I had figured out what Nikos’ secret was—or at least some of it. Yes, I had jumped to a few conclusions regarding how that had led him to act the way he’d acted with me. Yes, I had jumped to an entirely new conclusion about how my being on the island must have struck him, and how it must have felt for me to be shoving myself right into his life, like a screw without a hole.
But I didn’t think those assumptions were incorrect.
Of course he, had invited me to stay that first day, and then again that night. He’d been the one who insisted that I couldn’t go back to the mainland until he knew whether I was okay or not. But what if that had just been part of his oath as a doctor, and nothing else? Maybe he’d just said that to offer the professional support he felt he had to offer when he’d seen someone almost drown, and then saved her life.
Maybe it hadn’t meant anything more than that.
Because if it had, I felt certain that he would have found a way to share his secret with me sooner, or even get over it entirely.
Then again, maybe it had meant something, and he had started to have feelings for me, and that was all part of the problem. Maybe those feelings had driven him to distraction with guilt, because he didn’t think he deserved to care for someone again. He’d said he was afraid of hurting me. That he was afraid of pulling me into the bitterness that was his life.
Maybe, at the end of the day, that was all that had mattered.
Either way, the conclusion was the same: My presence had been causing him pain. I might not be able to understand what that pain was or where it was coming from, but that didn’t change the truth. I didn’t want to hurt him. So the best thing to do was get myself out of the situation and put it behind me, not only for myself—before I fell any harder for him—but also for him. Before I caused any further pain or guilt or whatever on earth it was the kept him shrinking back every time we got close to each other.
Yes, I had memories of him smiling at me like he was happier than he’d ever been, and inviting me back to crush grapes with my feet in the fall. Yes, I’d felt as though we’d been building something that had been a whole lot bigger than girl-becomes-friends-with-man-who-owns-island-on-which-she-crashed. But I’d been wrong about that sort of thing before. Maybe I’d been wrong about it this time, too.
And that whole jumbled, confused set of explanations was why I was sailing away as early as possible this morning, before he got up and started making breakfast, and why I’d left without leaving anything so dramatic or emotional as a note. It was why I was sailing back to the mainland, and to a hotel he didn’t know the name of, without leaving one single trace of myself behind.
Except for my heart. Which felt like it was still laying in that bed, waiting to get up and start yet another beautiful day with Nikos, the man who had saved my life and then welcomed me into his home like I belonged there.
Chapter 21
Nikos
For the first time in quite possibly my entire life, I slept in that morning. Although… well, calling it ‘sleeping’ was a bit of a reach, honestly. So let me revise that.
I stayed in bed much later than I usually did.
Most days I was up with the dawn, ready for my coffee and breakfast on the patio. Ready to watch the sun rise on another beautiful day. It was my favorite part of the day, partially because sunrise always felt like a fresh start in the world. Like everything you did yesterday had been wiped clean, and today you got to try it all again.
Try on a different version of the person you wanted to be.
I groaned when I finally opened my eyes, though, the thought a haunting one.
Because if I could do anything at all right now, it would be to wipe yesterday clean and try it all again. It wasn’t the tour of Athens that was the problem. It wasn’t the bikes or the ruins or the museums. I didn’t regret taking her to my favorite restaurant. I