Sahm I Am - By Meredith Efken Page 0,89
to brag about how I’m actually awake already, but I’m too sleepy to be catty this time. I’ve been up all night, decorating the theater. I sent Jeanine home at midnight, after the rehearsal. I figured it would be better for the bridesmaids to look like leftover mac’n’cheese than the bride herself. We finally finished at 3:30 a.m., but I didn’t figure it would do me any good to go to sleep—just make it harder to wake up later.
Overall, the rehearsal went fairly well—if you don’t count the fact that the horse never showed up. Who knew animals could double-book, too? So we’re going to have to wing the processional today. Actually, me and Jeanine and Becky will be “winging.” I guess Morris and his horse will have to “hoof” it. Okay, bad pun, I know…what do you expect on zero sleep?
Speaking of winging, I’ve never had to be lowered from a ceiling before. It involved climbing a catwalk above the stage and entrusting my life to a flimsy, cheesy-looking star, controlled by a stagehand who looks about 13 and thought it was really funny to let out the cable too fast and watch us cling to the star, shrieking and screeching. Well, that was bad enough, but then, while I was answering a question about the placement of the candelabras, he coaxed McKenzie into the star and did it to her! She started screaming! When I saw her, high over my head, terrified out of her mind, my temper got the better of me. After McKenzie returned to earth and I consoled her, I marched across the stage, grabbed the stagehand by the ear and gave a good, motherly twist, immensely enjoying his howl of pain. “You ever do something like that to my child again, young man, and I will tear your ear clean off. Understand?”
“Yes, ma’am,” he sputtered.
I let go his ear, and stalked off. Everyone else backed out of my way. You just don’t mess with a mommy!
You guys, Im getting so tired…at least I cna take a nap this afternoon btweeeen the wedding in the morning adn the reception in evening. Wow, did you kow that if you stare at a computer screen for five minutes and then look away, youcan see littl splotches that look remarkably like oascar the grouch?
After the rehersl i had to help decorate the theater. Jeanine paid to have an enetire set constrecuted to look like a church, copmlete witn shtained glas windows and a big cross. If she wanntde to make it lok like her widding ina chruch, why didnt she just hae the wjdding in a church? Pardon my tpos, i’m to tird to fxi them. and then we had to ty big pew bows to the asle seats—bows that ligt up and emit bubbles from the flowerz, Anueods, chy, csssssssssyyyyyy4, src..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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From:
Dulcie Huckleberry
To:
“Green Eggs and Ham”
Subject:
Branson Report #3
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Hey, girls, I’m so sorry about my early-morning post! I fell asleep at the computer, and must have pushed “Send” when my head hit the keyboard. I woke up to find it was 8:07—and I was supposed to be at the theater by 8:30! So I went banging around the hotel room, waking up Tom and the girls, who didn’t have to be awake for another forty minutes. After the world’s quickest shower, and blow-drying my hair, I managed to grab my dress and supplies and get over to the theater by 9.
I’ll spare you the details of getting ready—the hairdresser who griped about how difficult my hair was to work with, how Tom forgot to bring McKenzie’s dress with them to the theater, how tense things were between me and Tom…Well, perhaps I shouldn’t spare that detail. Things between Tom and me were tense—really tense. Last night, when he arrived at the theater for rehearsal, I was in the middle of trying to line up the wedding party on the stage. Jeanine had her ideas, Morris had his, I had mine, the pastor had his. Mine were the only not-ridiculous ones, so I was already stressed. I looked out across the empty theater and saw Tom at the back. For a moment our eyes met, and both of us froze. I stopped talking mid-sentence, and everyone suddenly got all awkward and busy. Evidently Jeanine had been spreading tales about the two of us…
Anyway, we haven’t really had a chance to do more than say “hi,” “bye,” and “you better run back to the hotel and