Sahm I Am - By Meredith Efken Page 0,88

three children, gave up any chance of my own career to raise them and have had important successes of my own.

My parents don’t give a hoot that my quilts and cooking win awards, that I have a special mentoring ministry for young women at church, that I have published articles in family magazines. All they care about is Veronica. And now that she is married to this exotic Italian photographer with his three gorgeous children and palatial house—with housekeeper, I might add—they don’t give me or my children the time of day! They skipped my birthday last week to go to Houston for Frank’s debut photography exhibit. They ignore my kids and insult my husband.

Oh, and Ronnie—she’s such a sham! When she moved to Houston, she decided having a Southern accent would be cute, so now her e-mails are all sprinkled with “y’alls” and “bless your hearts” and “well, aren’t you cute” (which really means you’re an idiot), the incessant “there ya go”(whatever that means) and other linguistic flotsam and jetsam from Hicksville, Texas. Good grief, we were born and raised in Chicago! There’s not a drop of Texan blood in her. She just does it for attention.

I can live with all that—goodness knows, I’ve managed to for most of my life.

But now she’s gone and horned in on my territory! Domestic life was the one area in which I excelled, in which she had no part. It was my one chance to try to make my parents proud of me. And now she wants to be on my e-mail loop! How dare she quit her job? How dare she try to live my life as well as hers? She did this on purpose. She can’t stand not being the best in everything. And now Mom and Dad are calling her a hero, just because she’s decided to stay at home. In my seven years of SAHM-hood, have they ever once said I was a hero? No! They’ve called me unambitious, boring and a disappointment. But never a hero. I’m sick of it.

So, here’s the deal, Connie. You’re right—we can’t turn down people who need the loop. And if she really was dumb enough to quit her job, she’s going to need it. She doesn’t have a clue what being a SAHM will mean for her. But I refuse to stick around and listen to her little jabs, subtle put-downs and reminders that I am and always will be second best in my family. I don’t need more of that than I already have.

I am officially resigning as Loop Moderator and as a member of SAHM I Am. You don’t really need me anyway, and it will just be easier for everyone this way. In fact, make Veronica the new moderator—you can make all her questions the topics of the week.

Goodbye,

Rosalyn

“She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.”

Proverbs 31:27 (NASB)

* * *

From:

Dulcie Huckleberry

To:

“Green Eggs and Ham”

Subject:

Report From Branson #1

* * *

Dulcie Huckleberry, reporting live from Branson, MO, Thursday, May 19, where I have just arrived at my hotel, and have met Tom’s cousin Diana who will be minding my children for the majority of the weekend.

“Minding the children” is a good way to put it, too, since I doubt it will be the other way around—children minding her. She’s barely 20, barely dressed and barely endowed with common sense. If we can survive the weekend without the kids talking her into letting them overdose on TV cartoons and candy, I’ll consider it a success. But to be fair, I don’t think they’ll be in any real danger, except perhaps from tooth decay. And to think, Brenna, by the time you were her age, you had a daughter McKenzie’s age! Wow!

Anyway, she’s going to watch the kids all day tomorrow so I can run errands with Jeanine and Becky. Then comes the evening rehearsal dinner, followed by the rehearsal at 11 p.m.—and that’s if by some miracle we start on time. But we had to wait until after the evening show lets out. I’ve given strict instructions that McKenzie is to have an early supper and go to bed at 5 tomorrow, so that we can keep her out that late. I hope Jeanine realizes what this shows about how much I love her!

More later,

Dulcie

* * *

From:

Dulcie Huckleberry

To:

“Green Eggs and Ham”

Subject:

Branson Report #2

* * *

*GREAT BIG YAWN* Good morning, ladies…it’s 4 a.m. Saturday morning. I thought about e-mailing Rosalyn, just