They were aggressive, too. The doctors did the best they could, but even when they walked out of surgery and told me that it had gone as well as it could, I knew exactly what they meant.”
“I can’t imagine hearing something like that.” She stared down at the sand.
“I admit I had trouble believing it. It was so… unexpected. I mean, the week before, we were a normal family, and the next thing I knew, she was dying and there was nothing I could do to stop it.”
Off to the side, Kristen and Josh were still concentrating on their kites but Katie knew that Alex could barely see them.
“After surgery, it took a few weeks for her to get back on her feet and I wanted to believe that things were okay. But after that, week by week, I began to notice little changes. The left side of her body started to get weaker and she was taking longer and longer naps. It was hard, but the worst part for me was that she began to pull away from the kids. Like she didn’t want them to remember her being sick; she wanted them to remember the way she used to be.” He paused before finally shaking his head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you that. She was a great mom. I mean, look how well they’re turning out.”
“I think their father has something to do with that, too.”
“I try. But half the time, it doesn’t feel like I know what I’m doing. It’s like I’m faking it.”
“I think all parents feel like that.”
He turned toward her. “Did yours?”
She hesitated. “I think my parents did the best they could.” Not a ringing endorsement, but the truth.
“Are you close with them?”
“They died in a car accident when I was nineteen.”
He stared at her. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“It was tough,” Katie said.
“Do you have any brothers and sisters?”
“No,” she said. She turned toward the water. “It’s just me.”
A few minutes later, Alex helped the kids reel in their kites and they headed back to the picnic area. The coals weren’t quite ready and Alex used the time to rinse the boogie boards and shake sand from the towels before pulling out what he needed for the s’mores.
Kristen and Josh helped pack up most of their things and Katie put the rest of the food back into the cooler while Alex began ferrying items to the jeep. By the time he was finished, only a blanket and four chairs remained. The kids had arranged them in a circle while Alex handed out long prongs and the bag of marshmallows. In his excitement, Josh ripped it open, spilling a small pile onto the blanket.
Following the kids’ lead, Katie pushed three marshmallows onto the prong and the four of them stood over the grill, twirling the prongs, while the sugary puffs turned golden brown. Katie held hers a little too close to the heat and two of the marshmallows caught on fire, which Alex quickly blew out.
When they were ready, Alex helped the kids finish the treat: chocolate on the graham cracker, followed by the marshmallow and topped with another cracker. It was sticky and sweet and the best thing Katie had eaten in as long as she could remember.
Sitting between his kids, she noticed Alex struggling with his crumbling s’more, making a mess, and when he used his fingers to wipe his mouth, it made matters only worse. The kids found it hilarious, and Katie couldn’t help giggling as well, and she felt a sudden, unexpected surge of hope. Despite the tragedy they’d all gone through, this was what a happy family looked like; this, she thought, is what a loving family did when they were together. For them, it was nothing but an ordinary day on an ordinary weekend, but for her, there was something revelatory about the notion that wonderful moments like these existed. And that maybe, just maybe, it would be possible for her to experience similar days in the future.
12
Then what happened?”
Jo was sitting across from her at the table, the kitchen glowing yellow, illuminated only by the light above the stove. After Katie had returned, she’d come over, specks of paint in her hair. Katie had started a pot of coffee and two cups were on the table.
“Nothing, really. After finishing the s’mores, we walked down the beach one last time, then got in the car and drove home.”
“Did he walk you to the door?”
“Yes.”
“Did you invite