my boots before climbing into bed behind her.
As soon as my arms were around her, she turned over and burrowed herself against me. Her pitiful little sniffles turned into body-quaking sobs as her fingers dug into me.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” I asked, my voice choked with emotion because I’d never been able to take River’s tears. When she hurt, I hurt.
“Please…just…hold…me,” she sobbed, clinging to me tighter.
Cupping the back of her head in one hand, I rubbed her back with the other while her tears soaked my shirt. I just lay there, holding her and letting her cry it out. I didn’t know what was wrong, but I vowed to make it better, no matter what it took.
When her sobs turned into heart-wrenching little hiccups, I lifted her head so I could see her face. Even with her eyes red and swollen, her face drowning in tears, and snot running out of her nose, she was still the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. Using my thumb, I wiped some of her tears away. “You ready to tell me what’s wrong, baby?”
Her lashes lowered, causing a few more tears to squeeze out of her troubled eyes. “Do… Do you promise not to hate me if I tell you?”
“There is nothing you could do that would ever make me hate you,” I told her truthfully.
“Today…” She broke off and pressed her face into my chest again. “Today, I drove up to Oregon. To… To… But I couldn’t do it, Mav. I couldn’t.”
I tensed. “Couldn’t do what?”
“Oh God,” she moaned, but her voice was muffled as she pressed against me. “Please know I love you. You are my everything. I would give up everything for you. But I couldn’t put you first this time.”
Heart pounding, I rolled her onto her back. Cupping her face, I held her in place and lowered my head until we were only inches apart. “What couldn’t you do, River?” I demanded.
Her body began to tremble, and she took my hand from her face. After kissing my palm, she lowered it until we were both cupping her lower abdomen. “I-I’m pregnant,” she whispered.
My heart did a funny little flutter in my chest, and my eyes stung with tears. “You are?” I choked out, in awe of what she was saying.
I knew it was a given that we would eventually have kids, but they hadn’t been on my mind. With her telling me it was happening sooner rather than later, however, emotions I couldn’t describe filled me.
Her tears began to flow once again. “Y-yes.”
“Baby, that’s… Fuck.” I kissed her, hard, my entire body vibrating with love for her and the life that was growing in her belly.
But she pressed against my chest, breaking the kiss. “It’s not a good thing, Maverick!” she cried. “This is going to get you killed.”
“You’re overreacting,” I tried to assure her, but deep in my gut, I knew she had reason to be concerned. Still, I didn’t want her to worry.
“Listen to me!” she commanded, sitting up and leaning back against the headboard. Pressing her hands to her face, she gave a muffled scream before scrubbing away her tears. “I went up to Oregon to have an abortion.”
“Shut up,” I barked, refusing to believe she could ever do that. “You didn’t get rid of our baby.”
“No,” she whispered, her hands going to her stomach protectively. “I didn’t. But I was going to. All I could think was that I had to get rid of… I was so scared—am so scared—that my dad will kill you once he knows. So, I made the appointment, and I went. I-I got as far as the IV when I realized I couldn’t. I love our baby so much, Maverick. I-I couldn’t…”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I demanded, pissed at her—and a little at myself for not paying more attention. For not making her tell me what was wrong when I knew fucking good and well there was something up with her.
“Because I didn’t want you to feel guilty.” She shifted her gaze to the window. “Fuck, Mav. I have enough guilt for the both of us. And I didn’t want you to worry. I thought…if I just got rid of it, we would be okay. You would be safe.”
I grabbed her around the neck, not hard enough to hurt her, but with just a little pressure to make her look at me. She didn’t even flinch, my touch grounding her. “This shit ends here, River. You don’t ever keep