my secrets. If I could, it would change everything. Yesterday he showed me a different side of him, a side that made me think maybe I could. But I’m taking it one day at a time and trying to see what today brings.
For all I know, he’ll be a raging asshole yet again.
Even though it’s a good possibility, I really hope it’s not the case.
Love is not something I expect, but an alliance of sorts could make my life a whole lot easier.
Because the other option is to fall in line with my father.
There is also the choice that I can make to escape both of them. But it is more than just me that I need to consider in this equation. Too many people rely on me, and that’s the reason I can’t be selfish. I need to really consider my options.
Too much is at stake not to.
So instead of worrying and dwelling, I need to get out of bed. I need to shower. I need to put makeup on, and I need to smile. I need to convince Matteo I’m not the enemy, and that I can be trusted.
As if summoned by my thoughts, there is a knock on my door.
“Viviana.” I hear his voice. It’s husky and deep, like always.
I imagine there is a scowl on his face. Although he’s handsome with a scowl, it’s when he smiles and laughs that he’s truly devastating.
That side of him is scary. Because that side is the part that makes me humanize him.
Not a good thing right now.
“Hold on a second,” I shout back. He can’t come in. I’m barely dressed.
I jump out of bed, my feet hit the cold floor as I run to the closet to throw on clothes, but first I have to pee and brush my teeth. When I look in the mirror, my mouth drops open. I look ridiculous.
There is no saving my hair or face right now.
I have sleep lines from the pillow, and bedhead. It looks like I just had sex. Since I didn’t, it’s not a good look for me.
Quickly, I brush my teeth and run the brush through my hair. Since I still have to shower, I throw a robe on and head to the door. Unlocking it, I open it and poke my head out.
“Hey, I just need to get in the shower real fast.”
His green eyes stare at me, and like usual, it appears there are many words hidden behind them. “I’d like to take you to the city today.”
I must look shocked because he smiles at me, a little lopsided grin that makes my heart stop, even if just for a second.
A damn smile on a damn man I cannot seem to read and who is giving me mixed signals every single day.
I try to tell it to stop, but it’s a damn traitorous muscle, and it won’t listen to me.
Yes, he’s attractive, and yes, he’s my husband, but I cannot get those two things confused.
I can’t catch feelings.
Not when there are so many unknown variables.
“I’d love that. How much time do I have?”
“How much time do you need?”
“Thirty minutes.”
His eyes go wide at my answer. “That’s fast.”
I shrug. “I’m not high maintenance.”
“I like that about you.”
If it’s not bad enough that he is gorgeous, now he has to say stuff like that. Cue the freaking butterflies in my stomach.
Great.
Just freaking great.
I’m attracted to my husband. Hell, by the way my body reacts to him, it’s more than that. It feels like I’m sucker punched when I realize it’s much more than that.
In the course of only a few days, I realize I actually like him.
I have a crush on my husband.
This is bad.
I need air, so walking the New York City streets might be exactly what is necessary right now. Maybe he will be a huge dick, and these insane flutters will stop.
Or maybe it will be worse.
I shake my head and decide to stop daydreaming about how the day will go and just live.
Thirty minutes later, we sit silently together in the car.
I was mildly surprised when he didn’t insist that I cover my eyes while we drove out of the compound.
He didn’t, but seeing as though when we were passing through the gates, I noticed the men standing with guns at the checkpoints and from lookout towers; I realize that even if I had directions, no one would make it into this place alive.
It should scare me, but it doesn’t. Instead, it makes me feel