whisper of a kiss. Serefin reached back and made sure the blindfold was firmly tied against his head, and Kacper tugged him forward.
37
NADEZHDA LAPTEVA
A knife twisted in the gut of the divine as he waits and he watches and he knows that they will fall, they always fall, nothing is eternal except for the darkness.
—The Volokhtaznikon
One second, Nadya was with the others, picking their way through a forest that had not been trespassed in hundreds of years. The next, she was completely alone.
Panic seared through her as the silence suddenly became unbearably loud in her ears. It was hard not to notice the absence of Serefin’s awkward steps as he struggled with only Kacper’s hand to guide him. She turned slowly, afraid of what she might find behind her.
There was nothing.
Nadya clutched at her prayer beads. Should she continue alone? Should she try to find the others? There was no telling what the forest was going to do to them before it allowed them to their destination—if it allowed them there.
Would having Malachiasz for a little longer have saved them from the toying of the wood, or was this inevitable?
What am I supposed to do?
“You keep going.”
Marzenya’s presence was stronger and more terrifying here. Something about it, about her, felt … different. Nadya didn’t know what to make of it. But her goddess was right.
She had to keep going.
Here the trees were vast, a single one wouldn’t fit in the width of the sanctuary at the monastery where she had grown up. Unfathomably large. It was perpetually dark, perpetually cold, and Nadya felt strange. There was a distracting humming in her blood.
She could feel where she needed to go, but couldn’t bring herself to step forward. What if she was meant to search for the others?
They can handle themselves, she thought, though that wasn’t even a little bit true. Serefin was a wreck, only barely in control of himself. And Parijahan and Rashid had no magic in a place where magic was everywhere.
A pang of worry stabbed at her, but her decision was made. She had to continue and pray the others would be fine.
Pray they didn’t happen upon Malachiasz.
Pray she didn’t, either.
Nadya tucked Malachiasz’s coat closer around her, rolling the too-long sleeves back. It smelled like him again, but it was a cold comfort.
He had only been trying to help and it had broken what little he had left.
Was this part of the curse? The dark omen upon them was going to strike eventually. But no. She had known pressing past that wall of magic would tear him to pieces and she had asked it of him anyway.
“Do you want it to be? Would that make it easier to bear?”
Nadya sighed.
“He is not what should concern you. You have far greater things to deal with than that worm.”
I really feel like your insults for him could be better.
“Be grateful he still lives, child,” Marzenya replied dryly.
Nadya smiled slightly. It was almost like a conversation she would have had with Marzenya before. She missed the rest of the pantheon, but having Marzenya back was enough. Almost. The difference in Marzenya was troubling, though. Always a little cold, a little cruel, but Marzenya did not control secrets—those were for Vaclav. Her words had a dispassionate bite to them, like she was talking to a stranger, not a girl she had spoken to her whole short life.
But her smile fell away. He wouldn’t live for much longer, though, would he?
It was oppressive, how the forest lived and breathed and wanted Nadya out. The underbrush was thick and difficult to navigate, full of leaves chewed by worms and bleached bones, and she had to completely reroute her path to go around the massive trees. Everything smelled of damp and decay, cut through by the bitter sharpness of cold.
It didn’t take long for Nadya’s weariness to slow her steps and her loneliness to latch itself around her heart. It was hard to see the end of this and believe anything would be better.
Was losing track of Serefin another failure? If he faltered, Nadya and the rest of the world would be lost. She couldn’t lie to herself—she knew, deep down, what would happen to her if the fallen gods were set free. They would take her and she wouldn’t be strong enough to fight back.
Maybe she should try to find him instead.
“Keep going.”
She chewed on her lip, staring up at the dark canopy of leaves covering the sky. She missed the sun; she had