RUSH (Montgomery Men #1) - C.A. Harms Page 0,49

lifted his head to lock eyes with me. He looked so tired and stressed.

“Is everything okay?” I asked.

He shook his head, still not speaking.

I instantly feared the worst. Maybe something happened to his parents, or one his brothers. My stomach began to twist in concern.

“I don’t know what you’re hiding from me, but I can feel it here.” He touched the spot next to my hand, directly over his heart, and my own heart began to race.

I shook my head, silently denying his words.

“Yes,” he whispered. “Something has you spooked. Something makes you feel like you can’t be honest with me. I know it, Kiera. I’ve known it for a while.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, doing my best to hide the nervous energy racing through me.

“I knew you’d say that,” he whispered. “I’d say let’s talk about it, but I know you won’t. I don’t get it, truly I don’t. I’ve been nothing but honest with you from the beginning. Even when you didn’t want to hear how I felt or know the things I wanted, I told you anyway.”

My heart ached more with every word he spoke.

“I thought I could come over here, climb in bed with you, and get lost in your warmth, but I can’t.” He shook his head and removed his hand from the doorframe as he stepped back. “I’d just be lying to myself, because it’s not enough.”

“What’s not enough?” The distance growing between us terrified me. “I don’t know where all this is coming from.”

He stepped forward again and gripped my face with his hands. I lifted my own hands to hold his forearms.

“I care about you, Kiera,” he confessed. “I’ve felt something for you since the moment I first saw you.” His eyes scanned my face slowly before settling back on my own pair. “But now every time we’re together, all I can focus on is the fact that I truly don’t know you at all.”

I had no idea where the hell this was coming from or what I had done or said to make him feel this way. But apparently I hadn’t been as believable as I thought.

“You hold everything back from me. I watch you crawl back into that shell of yours every time your past comes up.” He still held my face. “I want to know you, all of you,” he whispered. “I want the good and bad. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t trust me with whatever makes you fearful of a future with me.”

I wanted to tell him, but I’d come too far, and I couldn’t allow that darkness to find me again. No matter what it cost me, I had to keep my past locked away.

But maybe I could give him a piece of it to satisfy his doubts.

“I met a guy in college.” I took in a shuddering breath before continuing. “He was kind, sweet, and said all the right things. I was that stupid college girl that loved the attention from an older man.”

I closed my eyes, hoping for the strength to say only what was necessary and prayed it would be enough.

“We’d dated for close to two years before he ever laid a hand on me,” I whispered. “I was stupid and I stayed. I don’t know why, maybe it was fear. But I didn’t stop him. I didn’t ask for help. I just took whatever he gave and ignored the fact that I should have run. Until one day I decided I was worth more than the way he treated me.”

“You are,” Ashton said, and I opened my eyes to find him staring back at me with such intensity. “You didn’t deserve a life like that.”

“I’d finally realized that too. It’s why I left.” I had to play this out the best I could. I intertwined the lies with only a touch of the truth because it was all I could offer. One day I hoped I could tell him everything, but today wasn’t that day.

So I continued this half-true story as my hands shook and my heart ached with each word.

“So I packed up and left without warning. My family didn’t understand because in their opinion he was the perfect man. I’d lost all of my friends by then, so I didn’t have anything. This is why I don’t talk much about my past. It’s not filled with the kind of love and support you have.” This lie burned. My father was amazing, and had