Roses Are Red - Miranda Rijks Page 0,8

but to be confronted by Adam’s lover in my house is breaking me. How dare he! How dare she? Can he really be in love with Marianne? It seems like such a terrible betrayal. I can get my head around an affair where sex is the key motivation, but love. That hurts. Just because I no longer love Adam doesn’t mean I’m ok with him loving someone else.

Did he ever think of the children when he slept with those other women? Does he think of me or Ajay when he’s in bed with Marianne? I wonder if Ajay knows, but I doubt it. He would have said something to me, and he would have been angrier with Adam. Should I tell him? I want to hurt Adam and Marianne, but Ajay is the innocent party in this. Just because I’m hurting doesn’t mean Ajay has to be, too.

Eventually I pull myself together and wander back into the house, patching my blotchy face with foundation and concealer. I have to collect the kids from school.

Quite how I manage to get through the next three hours, I really don’t know. I’m proud of myself. I have perfectly normal conversations with Oliver, whilst Mia ignores my questions and answers with her normal monosyllables. I make supper. I call them downstairs when it’s ready.

‘Why’s Dad not eating with us?’ Mia says as she slumps into her chair.

‘He’s at a meeting.’ I busy myself with serving the quiche and salad. I have no idea where he is, and I pretend to myself that I don’t care. Let her make supper for him.

‘How did your French oral go?’ I ask Mia.

‘Assez-bon,’ she replies.

‘What’s that mean?’ Oliver speaks with his mouth full.

‘Oliver got an order mark for running through the school corridor,’ Mia says.

‘No I didn’t!’ Oliver exclaims. ‘Why are you such a snitch, bitch?’

‘Hey, you two,’ I say. But my tone is lax and does nothing to halt their bickering.

We have just finished eating and I am fishing some ice cream out of the freezer when Adam walks in, his shirtsleeves rolled up. To anyone else, it looks just like he’s come home after a long day in the office.

‘Hello, kids. You’ve already eaten?’ I hear the surprise in his voice.

‘Mum said you had a meeting,’ Oliver says.

‘Did she.’ His voice is flat.

He disappears to his study. The kids finish their food and hide themselves away in their rooms. I hope they are completing their homework, but I don’t have the energy to double-check. I clean the kitchen and go to the living room to watch television.

I don’t look up when I hear Adam’s heavy footsteps.

‘I’m meeting with my solicitor tomorrow and you’ll be hearing from him.’ Adam stands in the doorway with his hands on his hips.

‘Look, Adam,’ I say, sighing as I switch off the television. ‘You’ve lied and cheated on me, but I don’t want the kids to be hurt. We need to do this amicably for their sakes.’

‘And what is your definition of amicable?’

‘I want to stay in the house, and you can have the children every other weekend and for a few weeks during the holidays. I want their lives to remain as stable as possible.’

‘No can do.’

‘What do you mean, no can do?’ I have to bite my lip to stop myself from raising my voice.

‘You’ll see, Lydia. You’ll be hearing from my solicitor.’ He turns to leave the room.

‘Adam!’

He ignores me.

I get up and follow him through the kitchen into the utility room.

‘Adam, we need to finish the conversation.’

‘Oh no we don’t, Lydia. I’m going swimming now.’ He takes his tropical-print swimming trunks and a large blue-and-white striped towel from the airing cupboard, flinging both over his shoulder.

He pads right past me and out of the back door. I watch him as he checks the temperature and the pH and chlorine levels, as he does every evening. He then disappears inside the oak-framed changing room and barbecue area.

I want to scream.

I walk back through the house to the living room, switch the television on, and watch a dreadful film. I can’t concentrate.

An hour and a half later, I’ve had my bath. Lights are out in both of the children’s rooms. One of the parenting advantages of living in a period house is that the doors don’t fit as neatly as in modern houses, so I can see whether the rooms are in darkness. All is silent.

I am about to return to my bedroom when I realise I’ve forgotten to