Roses Are Red - Miranda Rijks Page 0,7

door closed behind me as I stride through the house to our massive state-of- the-art kitchen. All I can hear is the blood pumping around my head and my heartbeat drumming on my eardrums. I clench my fingers, and my jaw aches from tension.

Adam is sitting at the kitchen table in his normal place, a mug of coffee in front of him. He leaps up when I enter the room.

‘I’m–’

‘Shut up,’ I say. ‘You will listen to me for once. I’m not stupid. I knew you were having an affair, but with Marianne! You disgust me.’

‘Lyd–’

‘I said shut the fuck up. You have lied and cheated, and I’ve had enough. I want you out of the house. I don’t care where you go.’ I point to the front door.

‘No, Lydia. I’m not going anywhere.’ He takes a step towards me. I take a step backwards.

‘Yes, you are. You forfeited the right to stay in this house. I’m going to divorce you on grounds of adultery.’

‘We have already agreed to get divorced, but if you state I’m an adulterer, I will–’

‘You will do what? You see, the thing is, Adam, you are an adulterer, and I’ll prove it to the courts. I’ll show what a shit father you are and get sole custody of the children.’

‘Do not bring the children into this!’ His square jaw juts forwards and a large vein throbs on his neck.

‘You might have thought about that before you screwed Marianne and the countless women who came before her.’

‘Look, I’m sorry, Lydia. I shouldn’t have brought Marianne here.’

‘So it’s all right to shag the bitch, but it was a step too far to bring her here?’

‘I’m just saying let’s be reasonable. Marianne will tell Ajay in her own time. Let’s be grown up. We can share custody of the children.’

‘No. You are a liar, and I don’t want you anywhere near Mia and Oliver.’

‘You’re being unreasonable.’

‘And you are the epitome of reason? You’ve lied and lied and lied.’

He flinches. I know my voice is getting louder and higher pitched. Adam hates it when I scream.

‘Don’t push me, Lydia; otherwise I will prove you’re an unworthy mother.’

‘What!’ I am speechless. Where the hell did that come from? How dare he! What has he ever done for the children other than spoil them with excessively expensive gifts in a futile attempt to buy their love?

I shake my head, astounded. Now he is talking a load of utter bullshit. I have been Mia and Oliver’s principal carer since the day they were born. I have been the person who has juggled parenting, home and work. I am the one who makes sure they do their homework, and it is me they come to when they are sad or confused or scared. And he has the audacity to suggest he should get sole custody!

I can’t listen to this anymore. I shake my head in disbelief.

‘Oh, fuck off!’ Adam says. He storms out of the kitchen and slams the front door behind him.

‘Fuck off yourself,’ I say quietly. Then I let the tears come and I sink to the kitchen floor.

4

After Adam leaves, I tear the sheets off his bed and grab the still-wet towels from the spare bathroom and shove them in the washing machine on a 90-degrees wash. I want to boil away all traces of Marianne. I wonder if I should get the locks changed so he can’t come back into the house, but I suppose I should take legal advice before doing that.

With tears dripping down my cheeks, I pace around the house and then walk past the swimming pool and down through our five acres of mature garden to my favourite spot. It’s where I meditate (on the handful of times I’ve actually done that), and it’s where I found a four-leaf clover the first summer we moved here. We have a small brook that runs along the bottom of our garden, away from the manicured lawns and shrub-filled beds. This is the wild place, a copse packed with beech and oak trees heavy with leaves and fallen branches that make perfect seats. Adam told the gardener not to bother with tending to this area. It can’t be seen from the house. So I’ve claimed it as my special spot, not that I’ve told anyone.

I sit on a log underneath an ancient oak tree and sob loudly and indulgently. No one can hear me down here. My marriage is over. I have known that for a long time,