the dead. Tears streaming down my eyes blinded me from getting a clear view as they put her onto a stretcher and directed me to get into the ambulance. Because she’d been unconscious for so long, she needed to be taken to the hospital for treatment and to ensure that there wasn’t any brain damage or internal injuries.
Still in my sleep sweats with no coat, I sat in the ambulance alongside her as one of the men held an oxygen mask over her face.
Too shook up to speak, I typed out a series of choppy texts to Justin.
Bea is alive.
Choked on a small ornament.
Got it out.
EMTs performed CPR.
In ambulance heading to hospital.
I’m scared.
Within seconds, my phone rang. It had to be one-thirty in the morning in L.A.
Justin’s voice was shaky. “Amelia? I got your message. Oh my God. Is she okay?”
“I don’t know. She’s conscious and breathing. I just don’t know if there was any other damage.”
“Can you see her? Is she with you?”
“Yes. She’s got an oxygen mask over her face, but her eyes are open. I think she’s scared.”
I heard rustling then he said, “I’m getting on the next flight out there.”
Still in shock, I was silent.
His voice seemed to be fading into the distance. “Amelia? Are you there? Hang in there, baby. She’s going to be okay. She will.”
“Okay,” I whispered through my tears.
“Where are they taking her?”
“Hasbro Children’s Hospital in Providence.”
“Call me as soon as you know anything.”
“Alright.”
“Be strong, Amelia. Please.”
CHAPTER 21
Those first few hours waiting with Bea in the intensive care unit were excruciating, truly the scariest of my life.
They had her hooked up to an IV and were giving her oxygen. The doctors ran a series of tests to check for internal injuries and neurological problems. Apparently, after respiratory failure, there could actually be delayed brain injury that wasn’t apparent right away. It would be a while before all of the results came in.
With no clear prognosis, my silent prayers were non-stop. I begged God to spare my baby from any irreversible damage. Bea was sleeping a lot, probably exhausted from all of the trauma, so it was hard to gauge how she was really doing.
She was able to open her eyes, though, and I had to be grateful for that and for the fact that she was alive and breathing. Thank God I’d randomly woken up when I did. If I had gotten to her room even a minute later, the outcome could have been very different. I couldn’t even bear to think about that. Someone was definitely watching over us last night. Until I had answers, I had to just focus on the positive—the fact that she was alive—and continue to pray.
It was mid-morning now, and I hadn’t moved from my spot at Bea’s side. I was afraid to even go to the bathroom so as not to miss the doctor coming in with information. A nice nurse finally forced me to go get something to drink and to use the bathroom. She promised to watch Bea and assured me that nothing would happen while I was gone.
In the bathroom just off of the nurse’s station, tears began to pour out of my eyes. Riddled with guilt, I was finally losing it. If it weren’t for that stupid sweater and my carelessness, none of this would have ever happened. How could I not have checked her crib before I put her down? Forcing myself to get it together, I needed to put on a strong front before returning to my daughter. She was intuitive; I couldn’t let her sense my fear.
The doctor came in shortly after I returned to my spot at Bea’s bedside.
“Ms. Payne…”
I stood up, feeling the weight of my heavy, terrified heart. “Yes?”
“We just received the results of the tests on her internal condition. There are no internal injuries aside from a slight fracturing of the ribs, which will heal on its own. Her neurological assessment seems okay, too, but that’s what I want to watch over the next day before we can consider releasing her. I no longer think she needs to be in the intensive care unit, so we’re going to move her to a regular room on one of the main floors.”
A massive sense of relief washed over me. “Doctor, thank you. Thank you. I could hug you. Can I hug you?” When he nodded uncomfortably, I embraced him. “Thank you so much.”
“It could have been very serious. We see this very same scenario end differently