on I-10 between Phoenix and Anaheim like the back of my hand and when Cason is missing us, he makes the drive in four hours and thirty-six minutes. For the past couple of years, through countless games and late-night calls, and one very determined little boy making his entrance into the world while his daddy was two thousand miles away, we’ve made it work.
You know in romance movies when the couple gets together, everything’s great, and then bam, dick to your face, cockblocked? Shit went south? They’re suddenly disagreeing over something like who left the ranch out after pizza? By the way, if you don’t eat your pizza dipped in ranch, you’re missing out. If you’re frowning at me, we can’t be friends. But my point is, suddenly the couple—let’s call them Jack and Jill—that perfect couple Jack and Jill were portrayed to be are suddenly fighting over something so incredibly trivial, but it brings them to this point.
They’re human. You can’t sleep in the same bed with someone every night and agree on everything all the time. Anyways, back to Jack and Jill fighting. Sometimes during their fight, it gets brought up that Jack’s pissed that Jill didn’t give him head last night. Jill was taking care of Johnny and Jane. Yes, so they got kids too. Don’t get lost on me. Follow along.
So, there they are, fighting over the ranch, and Jack suddenly brings up the fact that he’s pissed about her not spending time with him, and Jill’s just trying to get through the fucking day without losing her shit on the kids and CPS being called. She doesn’t have time to suck your dick, Jack. So back the fuck up here.
In romance movies, this is what they call the arc. The pivotal moment in the movie where the music changes, your popcorn is gone, and there’s nobody chewing in your ear, and here you are wondering why Jack can’t see that it wasn’t because Jill didn’t want him. It had nothing to do with that. She was simply tired.
He tells her she’s not herself anymore, and he feels like she’s pushing him away. She had no idea he thought that, and part of her, deep down, knows he’s right. They go to bed, neither speaking, and the silence turns to days. He starts rebelling, she withdraws, and then something sparks inside them, and they suddenly have this lightning bolt hit them, not literally, let’s hope, and in the middle of the night, their feet touch under the covers, and a silent conversation plays out between them. He confesses he’s sorry; she admits life is hard with Johnny and Jane. I mean, they’re teenagers, and teenagers are assholes. Nobody likes them. They don’t even like themselves.
Regardless, the ranch started a ball rolling, got their damn feelings out, and now they’re good. All’s better. They’re having sex as the credits roll, and you leave the theater thinking, did I leave the ranch out? Because it’s got you concerned. It’s after, maybe when you’re in your car driving home, that you think about that movie and its true meaning.
We hide our feelings for the sake of an argument. Until the goddamn ranch goes bad.
My point?
Cason and me… we don’t leave the ranch out. There’s no need to worry with him. What you see is what you get. He doesn’t bullshit you, and if he says he’s going to do something, he does it. He’s easy. Literally. All I have to do is look in the general direction of his cock, and he’s pulling it out to see if I want some. Benefits of dating a twenty-four-year-old.
My second point?
Don’t wait for the ranch to be left out. Talk to them. Like Granny said, “If you can put their dick in your mouth, you can talk to them about what’s bothering you.” Don’t wait for them to get a girlfriend and stop paying your bills because then they die in a car accident, and you’ll never get your answer.
If I get to heaven and he tells me it’s because I didn’t suck his dick, I’m going to cunt punch him. And then apologize to Jesus for my behavior, because I’m a fucking lady.
Love isn’t holding someone back. It isn’t making them feel like they’re not good enough or holding their actions hostage. If you don’t know what I mean by that, I’m happy for you.
If you do, we have something in common. My entire relationship with Collin, I was afraid to