the busier we got with everything else, and I never brought it up during our band meeting.
Van comes and sits at my side, across from Daniel.
“What’s going on?” Daniel asks him.
He shrugs. “I was looking for Luna and nobody answered the door at her apartment. Figured if she wasn’t home, she’d either be here or at the store. Guess I got lucky. What are you two up to?”
“Daniel and I were just talking about the meeting on Wednesday. I wanted to brief him on the tour and the schedule and all that. Why were you looking for me?”
“Well, it’s just that we haven’t really spent much time together lately given how busy we’ve all been, but I wanted to say I’m really sorry about what I said after the show the other night. I’d been drinking and I was just being an asshole.”
“I know,” I agree with him. “Why were you drinking anyway? You don’t drink . . . not like that anyway.”
He shrugs. “I’ve just been stressed out lately. All the practices, shows, recording, preparing for the tour, and then for some reason, I thought it was my job to protect you.”
“Protect me? From what?” I ask, confused.
“From yourself,” he confesses. “I see the way the two of you look at each other and I know you’re still together. You said you were broken up, but then I realized that there wasn’t anything to break up. You were never in a relationship—not a real one anyway. That night, when I was drinking, I realized that you weren’t alone in your dressing room. He was in there, and I was pissed that you lied, and that you felt like you had to lie. We’re best friends and we’ve always been truthful with each other. Well, that is, until I fucked up and tried controlling something that was none of my business. It’s your life and you can live it the way you want. If you guys want to be together, be together. I’m stepping back.” He looks at both of us. “Anyway, that’s all I wanted to say. You can stop sneaking around now.” He taps the table and stands up, walking out without another word.
I look at Daniel, a little surprised. “Well, I wasn’t expecting that,” I think out loud.
“Yeah, I wasn’t either, but it’s good to know that we can spend our last week without having to worry about getting caught.”
I nod. “Right. I’m relieved too,” I say, mindlessly staring at the menu on the table in front of me, but I can’t help but think about his words. Not that who I sleep with or get into a relationship with is any of Van’s business, but his blessing means more to me than even I understand. Van has been my protector for many years. He’s always been the one to pull me back from the edge, to calm me down when I need it, and to make decisions for me when I’m too close to something to see what needs to be done. The fact that he’s stepping back makes me think that he thinks I no longer need it. Like now that I’m with Daniel, he can be that for me, giving Van a much-needed break. Does he think that Daniel and I will end up together? Is he finally approving of one of my relationships? That’d be a first. He’s always been the first one to point out what’s wrong with each guy I’ve dated. But he’s never done that with Daniel. In fact, his main concern was that I’d fall so much in love with him that it would end the band. That’s never been his reason for concern before. Maybe he sees something I don’t in the future I have with Daniel.
I’m quiet during breakfast as I think everything over. I want to talk to Daniel about all of this, but I’m not sure how to. We’ve had a deal all along. All of this ends when I leave. I thought it was the only fair option. That way, he won’t be sitting around waiting for me to return and I won’t be selfish by asking him to come with me. But now, I’m not so sure. Daniel has been consistent with his perspective on it: I leave, we’ll end, then we’ll see what happens. But suddenly, I want more than that and I don’t know how to broach the subject. It isn’t fair for me to ask him.
After breakfast, we swing by