“Mia…I don’t—”
“Keep going,” I choked out between sobs.
“If I find that ball-licking, motherfucking rapist Zattman in hell, I’ll sell what’s left of my soul to the devil and make sure that manky slag suffers tenfold for what he did to you. That’s a promise.”
“Zattman?” Quinn repeated, pinning me with a look of confusion.
“Shh,” Ozzy instructed.
“If I can, I’ll watch over you, watch you continue soaring to the top, shining like the superstar you are, my beautiful, talented friend. But don’t blow off finding happiness ever again. Do what you have to. And if you find a man who brings you love and laughter again like you had with Ozzy, hold on to him with all your might. If, by chance, I make it to heaven, I’ll be waiting for you with open arms. Thank you for sacrificing yourself for me. I love you, Mia. Goodbye.” Ava’s voice cracked. Matching sobs tore from her throat and mine as I closed my eyes and wept.
Memories of Nigel and me fixing dinner in his kitchen, laughing, singing, dancing, and playing air guitars spooled through my head. He’d lifted me up at the lowest point of my life. Made me open my eyes and see that sunshine and rainbows were right outside my self-imposed darkness.
I’d talked to him almost every day since I left LA after the Grammys. Not once had Nigel even hinted that he was struggling or in such a desolate place.
I felt like an empty shell.
“You stupid son of a bitch,” I roared. “If you’d reached out to me, I would have helped you get through the darkness, too. I could have saved you, like you did me.”
Wrapping my arms around myself to keep from shattering completely, I hung my head and cried.
Ozzy gently lifted me onto his lap and held me as heartbreak ripped me to shreds.
Chapter Sixteen
Ozzy
Three days later, I held Mia’s hand as the private jet Quinn had booked touched down at the Santa Monica Airport in the late-afternoon sunshine. I hadn’t left her alone for more than five minutes since we’d learned the devastating news about Nigel. Fearing Mia would block herself off from me and the others, to mourn in private, I did all I could to keep her in the here and now.
She was beating herself black and blue for not sensing that Nigel was suffering. Mia was one of those intuitive types. The ones who felt vibes roll off the people around her. And because of her perceptive nature, others’ moods affected her deeply. I had to find a way to convince her that Nigel had hidden his true feelings to keep from burdening her with his problems. I wished he had reached out to her instead of deciding the only way to escape his pain was death, but he hadn’t, and it was crushing her.
Nigel didn’t have a single living relative, so Mia took it upon herself—even in the midst of her own anguish—and made all the funeral arrangements. His housekeeper, Paulette, stepped up, as did Sofia. Between the three, they’d managed to send Nigel’s body to be cremated, picked out a funeral home, ordered flowers, and chosen an urn for his ashes. Ava helped, as well, penning a formal statement that Mia released to the press.
But stress and sorrow were taking a major toll on my girl. She was barely eating enough to keep a bird alive. The light sedatives Syd had supplied to help her sleep didn’t do much. Mia only averaged three or four hours a night, and even those were fitful. Dark circles had begun forming under her vacant eyes. If she wasn’t on the phone or pacing, she was in my arms, crying. Aside from holding, comforting, and trying to reassure her, there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to ease her pain. And being so fucking powerless was eating me alive.
When the plane rolled to a stop, Mia squeezed my fingers and slid her hand from mine. Reaching into her purse, she pulled out a pair of sunglasses and slid them in place. I didn’t blame her for not wanting the paparazzi to catch sight of her swollen, red-rimmed eyes or the bruises under them that her makeup couldn’t quite conceal.
As the door of the plane opened and the stairs descended, I stood and retrieved the Armani suit coat I’d draped on the seat across the aisle. As the rest of us donned our sunglasses, I extended my hand to Mia while the others headed toward