his husband into the dining room. He was back a second later to fetch their beers. “It’s all about genetics and the molecular techniques involved in cellular processes.”
“Interesting.” Dan blinked at his brother. “Not the word I’d use.” To Tay, “No offense.”
“Trust me, none taken,” Tay said, laughing. It was interesting if you were into it.
Tay wasn’t into it.
God, it felt good to admit that to himself. He’d been dancing around it for months. Not that he had any idea what to do about it, though.
“Uh, Yager?” Tay said when Dan had joined Dean and Grey in the dining room.
“It’s just Ash,” Yager said, twisting the cap off a beer bottle like the he-man he was. “What’s up?”
“Uh . . .” Where did he start? What did he even want to ask? “I’ve been, um . . .” Cutting his gaze to the left, to where he could see the others at the dining room table in the gap between the countertop and the bottom of the cabinets, he lowered his voice. “I’ve been thinking about, maybe, coming out? Publicly, I mean. The team already knows. And . . .” He faltered, unsure where he was going.
“And you want my advice?”
“No. More like . . .” Pushing food around on his plate, Tay blew out a breath. “Is it worth it?”
“You know, every single hockey player who’s come out since I did has called me for advice before they did so. Even your guy Stanton.” Yager sipped his beer straight from the bottle unlike his boyfriend. “None of them ever asked me that question.” Elbow on the island, he let the bottle dangle from his fingers. “Truth is, my coming out was an accident. Long story,” he added with a small chuckle when Tay’s mouth dropped open. “But it was an accident. If that hadn’t happened, I’d probably still be in the closet. I’m glad I’m not, though.” His brown-eyed gaze drifted to Dan, smile turning soft and mushy, as though he couldn’t believe what a lucky son of a bitch he was.
God. Tay was dying for someone to look at him that way. Like he was their everything. His thoughts went to Dakota and all the potential there, and he bit back a smile.
“There’s got to be more than the eight or ten NHL players who are currently out,” Yager continued. “I’m one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have to hide. I can bring Dan as my date to fundraisers, I can kiss his cheek at a restaurant, I can put my arm around him at a ball game, I can hold his hand when we take walks.”
That. Yes, to all of that. Tay’s breath caught imagining it all, imagining all of the possibilities. He’d never hated not being able to hold someone’s hand more than he had on his date with Dakota. With the streetlights casting halos on the newly fallen snow, and the empty sidewalks, and the gorgeous atmosphere, he’d wanted nothing more than to thread their fingers together, to feel the skin of Dakota’s palm against his own. To tell the world that they were together.
“So, yes, to answer your question.” Yager stood, plate in one hand, beer in the other. “It was worth it. But that doesn’t mean anything. You have to decide if it’s worth it for you. If it’s a risk you’re willing to take.”
With that parting shot, he joined his friends at the table.
Tay would be willing to risk it in a hot second. A stable, committed relationship like the ones between the two couples to his left? It was the one thing in the world he’d trade his hockey career for.
But it wasn’t just about him. He had Dakota and Andy to think about too and, more practically, his sponsorships.
Letting it go for the night, he added the last of the fried rice onto his plate and joined the guys in the dining room.
The campervan had been easy. This gigantic castle with its seven turrets was a pain in Tay’s ass. Flopping onto his back, arms and legs every which way, Tay groaned. “It’s evil, Andy. Evil!”
Forty pounds of giggling Andy, once again in his signed jersey, dropped on Tay’s stomach. “It’s gonna be pretty when it’s done.”
“You have a point.” Tay just wasn’t sure it was worth it. No wonder Dakota hated these things. He’d promised, though, so he heaved himself up and found Dakota leaning against the doorway, an expression on his face that Tay could only classify