dry tone. He approaches the couch to give me a better view of the cast.
In a black Sharpie, someone drew a dick and balls.
I sigh. “Real mature, Hollis. Also, you used a surprising amount of detail for the balls.”
He shrugs. “Well, you know what they say.”
I wrinkle my forehead. “No, what do they say?”
Hunter settles in the armchair. “I’m also curious to know.”
“For fuck’s sake. Seriously? I don’t actually have anything to add to that,” Hollis grumbles in aggravation. “Most people don’t question you when you say, ‘You know what they say.’”
I would love to spend one day in Hollis’s brain. Just one, though. Any more than that and I’d probably get trapped in the Upside Down. “All right. You’ve dodged this enough. Why did Rupi end it?”
“Rupi ended it?” Hunter echoes. “Does that mean we don’t have to listen to you guys screaming at each other at all hours of the night anymore? Sweet!”
“Be nice, Davenport. He’s really bummed about this.”
Hunter cocks his head. “For real?”
“No,” Hollis says firmly. “Not for real. It doesn’t matter to me in the slightest.”
“If it doesn’t matter, then there’s no reason not to tell us why it ended,” I counter.
“It was stupid, okay? Doesn’t even bear repeating.”
“What did you do?” Hunter asks in amusement.
Hollis lets out a heavy breath. “She wanted to give each other nicknames and I wasn’t into it.”
Um. Okay.
I’m trying very hard not to laugh.
Hunter doesn’t try—he bursts out laughing. “What were the nicknames?”
“She didn’t actually have any. She wanted us to come up with a list and then—” Hollis is visibly clenching his teeth. “—discuss each one and say how it makes us feel.”
Hunter nods solemnly. “Of course. Because that is a thing.”
I silence him with my eyes. Hollis is being vulnerable with us right now, and he doesn’t deserve to be mocked.
Oh my God. Who am I? Is this the Upside Down? Because since when do I pass up the opportunity to mock Mike Hollis?
“Did you not like any of her ideas?” I ask carefully.
He stares at me. “I didn’t even let her start brainstorming. Who makes a list of nicknames and sits around voting on them like fucking American Idol? I told her it was crazy and that she was crazy and then I suggested that maybe her nickname should be ‘crazy’ and she lost her shit and stormed out. And then she texted me later to say she can’t be with somebody who isn’t, and I quote, all in.”
“She has a point. It’s hard to be in a relationship when both people aren’t all in.” I shrug. “Also, I don’t blame her for bailing. Who wants to be called crazy all the time? It’s bound to give someone a complex.”
“She already has a complex. It’s called insanity.”
“Hollis,” I chide.
He’s suitably shame-faced.
“I bet you’ve called her crazy more times than you’ve said you liked her. Actually, I bet you’ve never even said the words, ‘I like you.’ Have you?” I challenge.
“Yes.”
“Hollis.”
“Fine. No.”
“Be honest—do you want to keep dating this girl?”
After a very long, embarrassed silence, he nods.
“Okay. Then give me your phone.”
Despite the misgiving in his eyes, he hands it over. I scroll through his contacts until I find Rupi’s name—with the heart-eyes emoji beside it. She picks up on the first ring, which tells me not all hope is lost.
“What do you want, Mike?” She doesn’t sound like her usual chirpy self.
“Hey, Rupi. It’s Brenna.”
“Brenna? Why do you have Mike’s phone?”
“I’m putting you on speaker, okay? Hollis is here beside me. Say hello, Hollis.”
“Hello,” he mutters.
“Anyway, we were having a little chat,” I go on, “and Hollis has something he wants to say to you.”
“What is it?” she asks warily.
“Hollis?” I prompt.
He doesn’t speak.
“Okay, then I’ll say it. Hollis likes you, Rupi. He pretends he doesn’t, but deep down he does. He pretends he doesn’t like all the arguing, but deep down he’s all about the drama-llama. His favorite show is Keeping Up with the Kardashians, for Pete’s sake.”
Hunter snickers from the armchair and takes a sip of his beer.
“Yeah, but his favorite Kardashian is Khloe,” Ruby says darkly. “Everybody knows that Kourtney is the best one.”
“Kourtney doesn’t even make the top three,” Mike grumbles at the phone.
“See! That’s why it can’t work!”
“Nah,” I disagree. “That’s why it will work. You don’t want to be with someone who’s exactly like you. You want someone who challenges you, who inspires you to open up when you’ve been closed off your entire life—” My voice cracks. Oh no.