drinking, and plenty of dancing. One night a couple of buddies and I decided it would be a good idea to visit each place in town that served alcohol.”
“I can already see this ending badly,” Erin said. She was turned toward him, fully engaged in the story.
“The night went on, and we were hammered, and just starting. The last thing I remember that night was a killer lightning storm starting on Lake Maracaibo, which happens almost every night of the year over there.”
“A storm happens every night?” Erin asked, not even asking about the drinking.
“Yes, it’s an amazing phenomenon, but that’s a story for another time. My buddies and I had met up with some other . . . friends at a bar, and we were getting rowdier.” He had to catch himself and change girls to friends. It wasn’t good form to talk about other women while on a date even if it was something that had happened twenty years earlier.
“Did anyone end up in jail?”
“I have no idea how or why, but we ended up at the lake and I decided it was a great time for a swim. So I stripped off all of my clothes and jumped into the water — and yes, I realize now as a rational, intelligent adult, that jumping into a lake with lightning flashing all around isn’t the most brilliant thing to do, but I blame my youth and the alcohol. I was out a ways, calling for the group to join me when I saw flashing lights.”
“Yep, the police arrived,” Erin said with another laugh. She was enjoying the story.
“Yep, the Policá½·a were standing there, flashlights pointed directly at me. Now, common sense would be to swim back and take my punishment, but tequila was making me more foolish than normal. I called out to the cops to strip on down and join me.”
“Oh my gosh,” Erin gasped.
“Yep, so they told me again, in an even firmer voice, to get my ass out of the water and back to shore. Common sense would say to listen this time. But nope, I yelled at them they’d have to catch me if they could. Then I turned on my stomach, did a dive, and stuck my ass in the air, before swimming away.”
“You actually mooned the cops?” she gasped.
“Yep, I mooned the cops,” he told her.
“Oh, I bet you were in sooo much trouble. I’m surprised you’re still not in prison. In a foreign land, you definitely don’t want to look like an ass, much less show your ass,” Erin said, laughing harder at her own joke.
“I have no clue how long or how far I swam. But then, what felt like out of the blue, a boat appeared next to me. For a second I thought it was the Loch Ness monster coming to take me under. It had been long enough for me to sober up some, and this time when a cop yelled at me to surrender, I didn’t have any comebacks. I got on the boat and sat there naked; they didn’t give me any clothes or even a towel. They did, however, handcuff me. I think they were trying to humiliate me. It didn’t work though, because it was a really warm night, and I’m a pretty confident man. I have nothing to be embarrassed about,” he told her with a wink that made her roll her eyes. He did notice her eyes stray to the V of his pants though, making that body part twitch.
“I bet your Army superior was ticked off,” she said, quickly changing the subject.
“Well, I obviously didn’t have any ID on me, so it took me some time to convince the police I worked for the Army. I spoke pretty good Spanish, which didn’t help me convince them I was with the military. Most of the military guys they knew didn’t speak more than a handful of Spanish words. In the end I spent two weeks in jail before I was released to my unit. The worst part of the entire experience was I didn’t get a shower for three days and that damn lake was super salty, oily, and all-around disgusting. By the time I was allowed a shower, I had dark, oily flakes peeling off of me. I was gagging from the smell and sight. My buddies nicknamed me Brackish after that. Once you get a military nickname, you’re stuck with it for life. So, if you ever hear someone