I need to be ready to intercept him in a way that reveals his face, but doesn’t make him suspicious of me.”
Pattern hummed. “Do you remember,” he said softly, “when we first met on the boat? With Jasnah? Mmm … You jumped in the water. She was so shocked.”
“Nothing shocks Jasnah.”
“That did. I barely remember—I was so new to your realm.”
“That wasn’t the first time we met though,” Radiant said, sitting up straighter. “Shallan had spoken oaths before, after all. She had a Shardblade.”
“Yes.” If he had been human, his posture would have been described as unnaturally still. Hands clasped, seated primly. His pattern moved, expanding, contracting, rotating upon itself. Like an explosion.
“I think,” he finally said, “we have been doing this wrong, Radiant. I once tried to help Shallan remember, and that was painful for her. Too painful. So I started to think it was good for her not to remember. And the lies were delicious. Nothing is better than a lie with so much truth.”
“The holes in her past,” Radiant said. “Shallan doesn’t want to remember them.”
“She can’t. At least not yet.”
“When Shallan summoned you as a Blade,” Radiant said, “and killed her mother, were you surprised? Did you know she was going to do something that drastic?”
“I … don’t remember,” Pattern said.
“How can you not remember?” Radiant pressed.
He remained quiet. Radiant frowned, considering the lies she’d caught him in during the last few weeks.
“Why did you want to bond a human, Pattern?” Radiant found herself asking. “In the past, you’ve seemed so certain that Shallan would kill you. Yet you bonded her anyway. Why?”
This is a dangerous line of questioning, Radiant, Veil warned. Be careful.
“Mmm…” Pattern said, humming to himself. “Why. So many answers to a why. You want the truest one, but any such truth is also a lie, as it pretends to be the only answer.” He tipped his head to the right, looking toward the sky—though so far as she knew, he didn’t “see” forward, as he didn’t have eyes. He seemed to sense all around him.
She glanced in the same direction. Colors shimmered in the sky. It was a crystalline day.
“You and the others,” Pattern said, “refer to Shadesmar as the world of the spren, and the Physical Realm as ‘your’ world. Or the ‘real’ world. That is not true. We are not two worlds, but one. And we are not two peoples, but one. Humans. Spren. Two halves. Neither complete.
“I wanted to be in the other realm. See that part of our world. And I knew danger was coming. All spren could sense it. The Oathpact was no longer working correctly. Voidspren were sneaking onto Roshar, using some kind of back door. Two halves cannot fight this enemy. We need to be whole.”
“And if Shallan killed you?”
“Mmm. I was sure you would. But together, we Cryptics thought we needed to try. And I volunteered. I thought, maybe even if I die it will be the step other spren need. You cannot reach the end of a proof without many steps in the middle, Shallan. I was to be the middle step.” He turned toward her. “I no longer believe you will kill me. Or perhaps I wish to no longer believe you will kill me. Ha ha.”
Radiant wanted to believe. She wanted to know.
This will lead to pain, Veil warned.
“Can I trust you, Pattern?” Radiant asked.
“Any answer will be a lie,” he said. “I cannot see the future like our friend Renarin. Ha ha.”
“Pattern, have you lied to us?”
His pattern wilted. “… Yes.”
Radiant took a deep breath. “And have you been spying on us? Have you been using the cube Mraize gave us, in secret?”
“I’m sorry, Radiant,” he said softly. “I couldn’t think of another way.”
“Please answer the questions.”
“I have,” he said, his pattern growing even smaller.
There, Radiant thought. Was that so hard? We should have asked him right away, Veil.
It was only then that she noticed, deep inside, that Shallan was seething. Twisting about herself, trembling, fuming, alternating between terror and anger.
That … didn’t seem good.
Pattern’s pattern swirled small and tight. “I try to be worthy of trust. That is not a lie. But I have brought someone for Shallan to meet. I think it is important.”
He stood with a smooth inhuman motion, then gestured behind him with one long-fingered hand. Radiant frowned and glanced over her shoulder. Leaves from the trees farther up the plane lazily drifted down the central corridor. A faint shimmer dusted the air, and a small